no more new jersey

i will never again go out to an audition in new jersey.
i repeat
i will never again go out to an audition in new jersey.

i awoke at the butt crack of dawn this morning in order to get ready for a film audition at 9am, in new jersey. i had made a little rule for myself about two years ago that i would never cross the hudson for work. i had had a terrible experience with a student film, where basically penn station (the hell-hole that it is) was shut down for two hours and i was stuck on my train in a tunnel. by time i got to the train station in orange, nj, walked the mile from the station to the university (in the dark, mind you), the director had up and left me stranded. i didn't have a telephone number, she had mine, but never called to see if i was dead in a ditch somewhere. i trudged back the mile to the train station (with a suitcase full of costume pieces), and as i sat on the cold, rainy platform for and hour, waiting for the next train, i vowed never again to go out to an audition in new jersey.

fast forward two years and my insanity yesterday in agreeing to take a bus to secaucus, nj to a casting office in order to say three lines in what turned out to be a reading for a subaru commercial.

this morning, i somehow find the bus, despite the disorganized chaos that is port authority bus station (just as bad as penn station). once boarding the bus, i felt like a blind person, because i literally had no idea where i was going. just a brief description of what the bus stop looked like. i sat anxiously alert in my seat ready to hit the call button when it looked like i should get off. after about thirty minutes on the bus, i was nervous, we were nearing the end of the route and my stop hadn't come up yet. the bus driver stopped at one point and directed two men down the street to 600 meadowlands pkwy. wait! that was my stop! i asked him if he goes past that address and he said "not this bus, you have to get out here and walk about a mile down the road."

sound familiar?

ughhh. i woke up at the butt crack of dawn for this?

i get out of the bus and am delighted to learn that there is no sidewalk for most of the way. images of my body being found in a ditch somewhere flash through my mind, but i shake the thoughts away and plod ahead.

i finally reach the place, out of breath and windblown, in the middle of an industrial park by the railroad tracks.

lovely.

i go to the restroom, fix my hair and makeup and make my way up to the casting office.

which is also a vitamin distribution office.

fantastic.

i walk in and the casting director, camera man and another actor are the only ones in the room. i put my stuff down and introduce myself to everyone, handing my headshot and resume to the cd. he explains the set up and then we get down to business. the scene is three lines, i play a tough detective interrogating a 'shady' character- i tried to channel those sexy ladies from nypd blue. i read through the scene once with the other actor and am about to do a second reading when the cd is like, "great! super! fantastic! thank you so much for coming out!" and that was it.

that was it?!!

i was just getting started! that reading really sucked. it sucked a lot. it took like 15 seconds to happen and then that was it. oh my god i sucked so bad. a hour and a half commute, walking a mile down a parkway, and i only get one sucky reading?!

but we were sent on our way, we would know by 8pm tonight if we got the job. the only way i will get this job is if i am the only person who showed up for this role.

arrggghhhh! i woke up at the butt crack of dawn for this?!

the cd gave us instructions on how to get back to the bus stop and the other actor (adam) and i walked along, joking about how crazy this was. we stood around the bus stop and bullshitted for about 30 minutes, waiting for the bus. i took out my time-table and saw that the bus was supposed to arrive at 9:50. we were standing in the middle of nowhere- an industrial park behind us and up the street- train tracks across the road. tractor trailers kept on speeding by, spitting exhaust fumes in our face. i was just thankful it wasn't raining.
a woman who was out on a smoke-break asked us if we were waiting for the bus. yes, we said. "that bus doesn't come down this far, you have to walk about a mile up the road and wait at another bus stop."

you have got to be kidding me.

so we walked up the road and completely missed the 9:50 bus to new york. i checked the time-table again and, the next bus? yeah- that was in an hour.

an hour! we've been waiting for thirty minutes and now we have to wait another hour because the stupid guy told us the wrong stop?!!

arrrggghhhhh! i woke up at the butt crack of dawn for this?!!

the bus finally arrives and i get on, relieved to be going back to new york, then i realize i still have to go into work- the day hasn't even started for me yet.

good grief! no more new jersey for me.