Monday, November 29, 2004

Where to begin?

ok- so I’m back to the blogosphere. oh how I missed you internet. I’m really looking forward to catching up with what I’ve missed in your life the past week and a half. I hope all is well and that you had your fill at thanksgiving dinner (or had a second thanksgiving dinner if you are Canadian. Or, pondered the magnificence and oddity that is canned cranberry jelly, if you don’t celebrate thanksgiving.)

so, i've been gone, off to wonderful tropical islands and then to home-base ohio. i've been mentally composing entries the whole time, but in the interest of my sanity, i'll only record bits and pieces of what the all-inclusive bar at the resort allows me to remember.

broken up in separate posts in chronological order for your reading delight:

the domincan republic- punta cana
T & j’s wedding was at the hotel paradisus, an all-inclusive resort. When I say all-inclusive, I mean, I didn’t carry around any money, and I got to drink the bar dry if I wanted to. And, if you want three lobster dinners in one night- go right ahead, they’ll keep boiling the lobsters! Hooray! great hotel, strongly recommend it. beautiful beach, perfect weather (hot sun + cool breeze= paradise).

40 guests attended the wedding. 40 guests! this is a true testament to how awesome t & j are as people and as a couple. the ceremony was on the beach on a picture perfect day, and completely in spanish. each line was translated by a close friend or family member. this was beautiful and how awesome is it to hear your best friend pronounce you man and wife? t's mother stood up for him and j's brother stood up for her. j asked me to take pictures with her camera. so i was jumping around everywhere trying to capture everything, but also take non-traditional shots as well (they also had a professional, but she wanted me to make sure that they had photos that weren't just, two people standing next to each other, ya know?) it was really fun and i had brief fantasies of becoming a professional wedding photographer, but then I gathered my wits about me and realized that I don’t know anything about taking pictures unless it’s point and shoot. I do think I took some really nice shots and hope that t & j appreciate them.

kpr and i had a magnificent time together. it was great to just get away and hang out in paradise with the one you love. i really, really like going to a bar and ordering anything you want and not having to lay any cash down. oh- and room service was included to, which came in handy on the days we just wanted to "sleep in"


I usually avoid the Atlantic because it is too damn cold, but we were in tropical paradise, so I stuck in my toes and them kpr threw the rest of me in. the water was wonderful and I had a great time splashing about. but really, there is nothing like just laying on the beach...

oh- and i realized that the whole ocean makes a magical nasal douche- cleared my sinus infection right up! Betcha wanted to know that.

Tuesday- Home for a day and-

Took champ to the vet. GIARDIA! Wonderful. Poor little bugger has had the runs for a while, now we know why. Sure didn’t affect his appetite or his mood- he’s been his ravenous, sunny little self the whole time. Everyone at the vet loved him and were so surprised that such a good dog was a rescue. He was very good during his ouchy shots and didn’t protest to two vials of blood- what a little trooper! I took him shopping to bed bath and beyond and rewarded him with a new squeaky toy. We couldn’t feed him for the rest of the day and when 7 pm came and went he just stared at us like, “hello? Guys? Remember me and how I need to be fed RIGHT NOW?!”
He’s still on antibiotics, but the poop is solid now. Betcha wanted to know that, didn’t ya?

Wednesday- oHIo

I flew to my parent’s house for the holiday. Kpr took the train to his folks in pa. Mom & pops were delighted that all of their offspring could make it back for the big feast. I have to say that I am so lucky that we all get along so well. At one point all five of us were napping in the living room while watching something on hbo- how cute is that?
Dinner was delicious and I love my mom’s stuffing and ocean spray cranberry sauce. Gotta love the sauce. Needless to say, with the parents buying, I drank a lot. Wine is my friend.

Got back yesterday and

Kpr and I spent most of the day cuddling while watching football. The eagles kicked the giants’ ass, thank you very much. We’re keeping are fingers crossed that mcnabb is going to take them all the way this year. But as in true Philadelphia fashion, they will probably choke in the playoffs, despite having the best record in the NFL. I just can’t get my hopes up any more.

After football, kpr took me out on a real live date! He’s leaving for seattle today and I was away for the holiday, so we wanted to make the most of our night together. We went to a new sushi bar Sachi’s on Clinton and had a great time. It was a Sunday night and 6 o’clock, so we had the place to ourselves and our own personal sushi chef, who explained each cut of fish to us and prepared it right there in front of us. The sushi was the best I’ve ever had, so fresh and we even had sashimi, which I never go for, I prefer the rolls, but it was so fresh and so delicious. They had a few delicacies from Japan, fish you can’t get anywhere else in the city and we felt really adventurous. I love just sitting in a restaurant and ordering at a whim. We would try a piece of fish and if we liked it we would just order another one. How great is that? we talked to the owner for a while and wished her the best of luck- she was so nice and the sushi chef was a great guy- he and I compared restaurants in the neighborhood, and we have the same taste. Which means I have good taste because, hello- he’s like a sushi chef and knows what he’s talking about.

We finished a bottle of wine there and scampered across the street to punch and judy, a wine bar. We always order flights and tonight was no exception. I love flights of wine, because I often lose interest in the taste of a glass of wine after a while, and I love going from taste to taste. Don’t ask me what we drank though- because all I know is that they were white and Italian and deeeelicious!

I love date night and I think that kpr and I should go out more on Sunday nights because you can hold hands and stare dreamily at each other all while pretending that this is your own private restaurant.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

i'm back for now- happy thanksgiving!

we had a fantabulous time in the d r. more about that next week when i return from the folks place for the holiday. thanks so much to by best gal pal mo for filling in for me. hopefully she will decide to start her own blog one of these days and she can totally show me up in her amazingly awesome talented superific way.

happy thanksgiving all you crazy americans!


Sunday, November 21, 2004

things realized & embraced over a weekend

dearest divine readers, it has been one power-packed weekend of enlightments. (at one point i thought of stephen dedalus from joyce's "portrait..." and wished for a brief moment i was in ireland, in a pub, being enlightened by lovers with irish accents. it was a bried moment, and i embraced my place in cleveland, as it offered its own form of inspiration, despite its mistake-by-the-lake reputation. that was one long winded sentence, in parathesis nonetheless.)

first realization: i love old friends. when i say old, i don't mean senior-citizen old, though i do love those old friends too. i mean old in the sense that you have known them since/before puberty, and you have watched them as they have watched you, twist and turn into adult selves. i love that i have witnessed these young boys go from small, hanger-thin collarbone, zit-faced, braces, sex-on-their-mind-all-the-time jocks, raging college alcoholics, to late-twenties men. many are still the young boys from fifth grade, but some have transformed so beautifully into men. and i'm floored when i see them. i love their hugs. i love that i learned to kiss on so many of their lips. i love that they still call me mo (a nick-name i inherited when my nieces couldn't pronounce my name, so i became aunt momo, mo for short.) and then their are the girls. oh the girls, and how nasty we girls have been to each other over the years. how we fought over those zit-faced, braces, sex-on-their-mind-all-the-time jocks. i will admit that i somehow stayed out of many of those cat-fights. i hated conflict then (and still do), so i put aside any potential conflict-raising feelings. i was passive. very passive. anyway, i love seeing them too. i love having watched them sprout into young women, and the passage through the ugly-akward face that all of us endured. how really beautiufl their faces are, and have become with age. aging is rougher on women than men, i think. but i personally love to see the wisdom in wrinkles, than the fear in face-lifts. not that anyone our age should even consider face-lifts, but some will. i know they will. and i hope they don't. anyway, i'm off on a tangent. i love seeing how the social dynamics of high school girl friends are suddenly brushed aside by most, and friendship is no longer about popularity, but about real support and giving. granted, i love this and realize it's not the case with all. some are still wrapped up in a high school mentality. and that saddens me a bit. but there is something quite beautiful about these connections. something that makes me giggle when i'm with them, the way i giggled when i was in middle school. there is something so comforting in seeing their faces. i feel lucky. at one point, i wanted to leave behind everything from my past because i thought i had grown up, improved, saw many truths, been enlightened by culture in ways that nobody from home has. and i have. but i realized i can still love them, i can still embrace them, i can still revel in the connections i have with them, and be the 'changed' individual i have become. those connections don't change, no matter how much i have. that's beautiful. that's why i feel lucky. and then there is the beauty of making new friendships, which also rocks my heart happy. but there's just something about old friends. mmm, mmm good.

second realization: though i have recently ended a relationship of 5 1/2 years, and am quite engrossed in grieving the loss, i realized this weekend how f****** awesome it is to have loved someone. (i'm not sure if you swear on your blog, divine) i was in love. and i feared many years growing up that i would not be able to love another human being. i knew i could care deeply about someone, but i just had this issue with feeling like i wouldn't be able to open myself up enough to really love another individual. i was quite guarded, having been hurt quite deeply growing up. anyway. i did love. i still love. i loved/love L. so much, and i feel the need to celebrate how amazing this love is, regardless of it having ended in the shape it existed for so long. how brilliant existence is that we can come across a human being who dives into our souls head-first and swims within you to every corner, hidden or not, challenging you, embracing you. i love love. and i hurt. but i still love love. and i realized this, and it's important to do so when you have lost something so extraordinary. because if you don't, rather if i don't, i could very well become a bitter old maid. and that just can not happen.

i would love to go on about my realizations. however, my niece just informed me that her 9 year old sister (who i'm psuedo babysitting) just shaved her legs while taking a bath and cut herself. THIRD GRADE! SHAVING HER LEGS! do third graders really need smooth legs? what the FUCK!?!?!?! (divine, i had to swear about this. i'm completely baffled!)

Friday, November 19, 2004

stepping in for the divine.

so i was asked to briefly step in and blog for one of my most gorgeous pals, and though i'm not exactly sure what this blogging entails, i was delighted that she considered me for the task. oh, what a perfect chance to revenge against all those drunken promises she never kept. alas, i am too decent. i love her deeply, and there were actually never any drunk promises that she hasn't kept. well, except that one where she promised me a night of adultureous behavior. hmm...revenge?

so, what does this blogging mean to me this friday afternoon? today, i think i may comment on some dog behavior i have witnessed. i am currently living with my brother, and he has two lovely beasts: bailey, a black lab & ginny, a boxer. for the weekend, we are dogsitting. we have ginny's mother, gidget. today was my first day home alone with all of them. i realized after a mere five minutes that my entire day (if i allowed them to roam freely through the house) will consist of stopping bailey from mounting gidget. it's been a good five hours, and he ambitiously can not stop. i learned after an hour that seperate rooms was the only answer to maintain my sanity. at first i was a bit shocked at bailey's sex drive. he's been neutered, so i kind of thought that eases the need to get it on. i guess not. i think i may call him pimp daddy from now on. anyway, i just got to thinking about sex. (which i do sometimes...okay, often.) anyway, the thought i want to share after my observations today is this: i'm extremely thankful i am a human. i am so glad men don't walk around mounting women. though they may very well feel inclined to do so, society constructs have prevented men from openly dominating ladies in public. (at least dominating in the sense that they don't leap up on her shoulders and thrust away as she walks down broadway) however, if mason jennings felt the desire to do so, i would pretend i was a dog for the day.

is talking about dogs getting it on bad etiquette for blogging? i hope not.

-hopefully i'm not losing any faithful readers of your blog, divine. this really was not, in any way, a means of revenge, dear. ;)

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

how stupid am i?

it is my goal to not spend money i don't have.

i was going through my expenses yesterday and i asked myself,

"divinemissk, why the hell are you so broke?"

the answer lies in the fact that i shelled out big bucks for a biomechanics class that i'm finding i don't even like. no, change that- its not that i don't like the class- its that its not what i expected and ultimately, not what i was looking for. the teacher is excellent and i feel like i'm learning something creative and new that will ultimately better my understanding of how to move on stage and how we are affected by movement in our everyday life. but really, how stupid am i to have shelled out the said big bucks on the eve of one of my biggest shopping seasons ever? i have more people to give gifts to this year than ever. and its not that i am resentful of that at all. i love thinking about the perfect gift for someone and i'm so grateful for all the special people in my life, but money's tight this year. we're taking this trip, we now have a dog and a dogwalker, i needed new clothes for work (for fear of going in naked), and we decided to go organic, which can be costly (but definitely worth it).

so, why oh why, did i have to take this class now? out of all times of the year? i guess with all these things i've been busy with, i've lost my momentum, my drive, my direction if you will, and i thought taking a class would help. i had great expectations for this biomechanics class- i have a lot of experience in russian movement and thought that this would be along those lines (acrobat, gymnastic type stuff- ensemble building- partnering work. its truly amazing and i haven't found any consistent classes here in the city.). but this class is not what i thought and i blame it on myself for not looking into it even further. grrrr...

and so, because i am not satisfied, does that mean i actually do my homework and take advantage of what i'm learning, in spite of being disappointed? well, noooo, and that makes me even more mad at myself for spending all this money and then not getting the most out of it.

oh well- ya can't go back in time i guess. you can jut kick yourself in the ass later on.

Monday, November 15, 2004


hmmm- i have biomechanics class in about 3 hours and have i practiced my assignment this week at all?

ummmmmm, no.

bad, bad girl.

can't wait till thursday! oh and this weekend i:

spent a lot of time around the house, cleaning and getting ready for our trip to the dominican republic on thursday. i was a cooking machine yesterday! i prepared two different soups: broccoli cheese potato soup and carrot ginger soup- we had some carrot ginger for dinner and i froze the rest for later on this winter. kpr and i have organic fruits and veggies delivered bi-weekly and we had a ton in the fridge that i knew would go bad while we were away- so i cooked like a fiend. i also started stockpiling a lot of food scraps for our composter. i haven't decided if i'm just going to stockpile during the winter, or go ahead and start up the bin and hope it lasts through the cold. i ziplocked all of the veggie scraps and put them in the freezer. i also lined a bucket with tin-foil and put it in the fridge, so that during the week we can just throw stuff in there and then on the weekend i can bag it up and freeze it. eventually, i'll get a bin with a lid and put it next to the composter and just throw all the frozen scraps in there. i also have to start collecting leaves, to hold onto all year round. our tree, which is big and beautiful, doesn't yield big, dry, brown leaves, so i'm thinking of taking a trashbag out to the sidewalk and liberating trash leaves from a future in a landfill.

kpr watched a lot of movies this weekend. i'm happy that he was able to just take time to do nothing. he's always so busy with work- at least 8 hours in the office and then another 2-3 hours at home. i was glad to see him just vegging out in front of the tv with champ. he also spent some time organizing things downstairs. we've been in this apartment for a year now and are still purging a lot of stuff we moved with us. the apartment we were in before was about one third the size of our house now and we had about twice the amount of stuff. i just don't know where we put it all! it feels good to get rid of stuff- recycling and donating where we can, of course.

on saturday i ushered for a production of "three sisters", part of the ChekhovNow festival at the connely theatre (which is now my favorite performing space in new york- what a dream!). the production was entirely in korean and was amazing and truly inspiring. i've seen many a play where i didn't speak the language, and this is very exciting for me because then i can concentrate on the real message of the piece- the subtext and what they are truly trying to communicate to the audience. it helps to be familiar with the story, of course, but either way, if the production is succesful, you don't necessarily need language. i love focusing on the action, and not the words- its very informative for me as an artist.
the festival goes on for the next week, so try and catch it if you can!

Friday, November 12, 2004

oh how i love the pot

the neti pot that is.

i've been having trouble with my allergies for the last two days. i was opening some mail here at work yesterday and all of the sudden my eyes were watering and i was sneezing up a storm. i went to rehearsal last night and there was a cat in the dance studio and that just set me off. i was miserable. sneezing, tearing eyes, sniffly nose and it was soooo cold in the studio that i just felt really sick. i got home, felt a little better, went to bed and had a horrible nights sleep. i woke up numerous times and had to use my inhaler twice- which i've never had to do.

i woke up this morning, poorly rested, and with big circles under my eyes (well, bigger than usual). i felt horrible and was still all sneezy and yuck. last year, i was treated by an accupuncturist for my annoying problems with asthma and allergies. this was an amazing experience and offered me so much relief. the only problem is that it was $90 each time i went- sometimes once a week and well, right now i just can't swing that. i think my insurance might cover it, i just have to find out for sure.

one of the things my accupuncturist introduced me to was a neti pot. my whole family has been plagued with serious sinus troubles, i've had more than my share of dreaded sinus infections- as have my parents and my brother and sister. a neti pot is designed to comfortably rinse out your sinuses, the water goes in one nostril and out the other. i know, i know, it sounds disgusting, but it really, really works. you add neti salt to warm water in the pot, tilt you head over the sink, put the spout up you nostril a little, and the design of the pot makes it easy for the water to go up your nose, through the sinuses, and back out the other side. then you just blow your nose really hard in the sink and be amazed at all the crap that comes out! the first few times, its uncomfortable, and you actually feel a little more sneezy and stuff directly afterwards, but if you keep blowing your nose- eventually you'll clear all that stuff out and you will totally notice a difference in your breathing and how you feel the rest of the day.

so that's what i did this morning- used the neti pot and voila! allergy symptoms gone. if i was a really good girl, i would use it everyday, and get rid of the constant red-eyes and flushed face- but i'm a little lazy. well, not lazy, but it takes me long enough to get going in the morning as it is and i don't think kpr would appreciate the extra 10 minutes waiting to use the toilet.

have a good weekend everyone!

Thursday, November 11, 2004

the champion

i was walking champ the other day, dropping off dry cleaning,

i love the fact that i can just walk anywhere to do my errands; dry cleaning, grocery store, hardware store, the economy candy store (mmmmmm candy), bodega, drugstore, alternative food store, organic donuts (mmmmm donuts). it's a good thing i do all this walking, or i'd be a lot rounder than i am.

so, anyway-walking with champ-dry cleaning. i was kindof nervous bringing him in the store because a lot of the local businesses have gone dog-nazi on us and are no longer allowing pets where they once were allowed. and i understand why not- but the thing is, i'm not going to let my dog lick, pee on, shit on, or eat anything in the establishment and i always make it quick when he's with me, so why not give your customers that added convenience of shopping with their pups? health department- schmelth department. i just end up shopping less when he can't come with me.

but the ladies were nice at the drycleaning and said nothing, thankfully. i drop off my stuff and we walk back outside. as we're walking down the street, i spy a new shop that has magically sprouted where an antique store used to be. this happens all the time in my 'hood, one minute there's something and then you turn around and something else is there. this particular store was a 'trendy' t-shirt botique, where you could go in and get anything printed on a t-shirt, while you wait. ooohlala. i was looking at the display, and champ, as he tends to do, was looking at what i was looking at. there were two stuffed dogs sitting in the window with 'trendy' little dog-shirts on and champ was staring at them intently. i started to get a little excited about the dog shirts and was saying to him, "look champ, those nice dogs have 'trendy' shirts on! look champ- at the nice dogs! lookatthenicedogs! look!"

he got really excited about these dogs in the window. really excited. i think he was confused as to why they weren't moving or paying any attention to him. he gives me a desparate look and then proceeds to go nutso- jumping and barking and growling at these dogs- launching his muscular, little body at the shop window! attacking the glass like no glass has ever been attacked before!

it was freaking hilarious!

i'm not ashamed to admit that i encouraged him a bit, "get 'em champ! get em!" his eyes were wild, and his body poised to do battle with these evil, stuffed dogs. i finally pulled him away, and tried in vain to wipe the slobber off the window. i dragged champ down the street a bit, but he kept on looking back, trying to see if those nasty brutes were coming after him.

well, he showed them.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

IMing with my brother today

DivineMM: :-)
oldmanat: stupid actually using IM for work... leads to all sorts of crazy messages.
DivineMM: yeah they use it here to- people always think i'm a stripper b/c of my im name
oldmanat: yeah, i set up a separate work IM name so people won't think I'm old. then i linked them.
Divine: ohhh- ididn't know you could do tha
Divine: t
oldmanat: it's not that tough. just create the new name from the log-in screen and then you can link them through the preferences.
Divine: yeah- but now everyone knows who i am anyway. i am tired of explaining the reference- doesn't anyone know anything about 70's music icons turned eco-crusaders?

oldmanat: apparently it's an area where americans sadly lack knowledge

Divine: there are a lot of areas where americans sadly lack knowledge. in fact most areas are areas where americans sadly lack knowledge

oldmanat: yeah! USA USA
Divine: woo hoo
oldmanat: did you read the article in the philadelphia daily news about how the blue states should just join canada?

DivineMM: haven't read that specific article, but read one today about how the blue states should just secede and compared people from the red states to mexicans, saying they would be the ones risking their lives crossing the border to find work if that ever happened

DivineMM: its pretty good, i'll have to find it and pass it along to you
oldmanat: i've certainly heard of worse ideas.

oldmanat: what would we really lose? disney world, vegas and the atlantic ocean beachs from virginia south? we could probably live with that.

DivineMM: yeah- totally- i wouldn't miss em- and you could always go to France for the beaches and Euro Disney- and Monaco for the casinos. France would like us and we all would be rich, so it would be easy

oldmanat: plus we'd still have california and hawaii beaches and disneyland.
DivineMM: why haven't we done this already?
oldmanat: it's a find question give it another 15-20 years to work out the details.
DivineMM: I wonder what we'll call it? The REAL United States of America?
oldmanat: Canerica. Amerada?
DivineMM: Canerica sounds like a gum disease
DivineMM: Amerada sounds like a bank
oldmanat: Camerida
DivineMM: ummm- keep working on it
DivineMM: maybe something completely fresh like, Land of Sweet Dreams and Green Trees
DivineMM: LSDGT for short
oldmanat: caamneardiaca
DivineMM: yeah that totally works
oldmanat: acmaenraidcaa
oldmanat: hmmm... i like caamneardiaca better
DivineMM: yeah thats perfect. you should write a letter
oldmanat: i'll get right on it. as soon as i'm done the next box5 list.
DivineMM: oh, so when hell freezes over then
oldmanat: perhaps

my vote is for caamneardiaca.


First it was the heartburn that kept me awake two nights ago.

Then it was the dreaded breakouts, ohhhh the breakouts, I feel so ugly.

Today it was the bloating, the precious bloating, that did wonders for the self esteem as I stared into the mirror after my shower, already lamenting the breakouts.

The cold-sore? Well that certainly was an added delight!

Right now, its the cramps, the agonizing cramps, that make me feel like my uterus is slowly being passed through a rusty, little, keyhole, inch by bloody inch.



Monday, November 08, 2004

where did that little girl go?

Dear A-
This letter is to inform you that you do not suck as a sister. In fact, you are probably the best person a girl could ask for as a sister. Someone who calls just to chat and who sends me lovey-dovey emails and who basically gives a damn about what is happening in my life. Ah yes, little sis, you do a lot for me.

But this isn’t about me, I guess, it’s about you.

I’m so excited for you this year; your last in college. I know you are ready to beat the big bad world with a stick and I will be there with you to help you out if you need it. I’m excited for your future, you career, who you will meet and fall in love with, the kids you will have and how many of them you will feel compelled to name after me. The degrees you will hold and maybe someday you’ll be the first Dr. in the family, not the kind of doc who could diagnose a case of blood poisoning on a Carnival Cruise Ship, but the kind of doctor who can comfort a child when no one else can and who can write a 10,000 word study on why they thought I had trouble pronouncing my ‘r’ s when I was in the 2nd grade, when I clearly didn’t have any speech impediments and the system used me to justify their grant money. But I digress….

I admire your determination and courage in dealing with all the shitty stuff- myelin sheath-wise and whenever I feel like a whiny bitch because I can’t breathe, I always think of you and how you never complain about having to take your exams on the computer or about the muscle pains you must have, and then I feel like an ass.

I admire your dedication to your students and your enthusiasm for those who need people like you the most. You will be an asset to any school district that hires you and this may result in you working too hard, for too little money and feeling stressed out all the time, but better you be in there doing a kick ass job, than someone else who could give two craps about her students and just can’t wait to go home to her Lean Cuisine.

I’m really glad we went to China together. I had a kick ass time with you and felt like I got to know the real A, the adult A and not the little kid I used to yell at all the time. I know there were times where we were frustrated with each other and being together all the time, but really, I think we made it through really well. I think we had about a million more fun times than cranky-K times. For all the times I yelled at you, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, I’m just a bitch.

I wish the best for you little sister. Heck, I wish more for you than I do for me, really. Because it’s easier that way, but also because you deserve everything in your life to be grand. I have faith in your strength, your kindness to others and your cheery smile, all of which will help you navigate this crazy, crazy world we live in. Stay true to your friends, stay true to yourself and stay exactly who you are, my superfantastic, life loving little sister.

miss k


thanks to special k for introducing me to this site.

now i have no excuse to actually work when i can just be here all day long.


no really. thanks!

my favorite so far:

Cartman: Alright. Look. I didn't want to have to say this, but I think maybe we're not seeing heaven because one of us doesn't believe in it enough.
Kyle: Huh?
Cartman: Heaven could be like the pixie fairies of Bubblegum Forest. You only see them if you really believe in them.
Stan: What?
Cartman: You know, maybe we're not seeing heaven because one of us is a J-O-O.
Kyle: What does me being a Jew have to do with anything?

a J-O-O? fucking hilarious!

this is not a post about pms

the weekend was a good one. yesterday kpr and i went to see our friend Ty in a production at The Classical Theatre of Harlem. "Ain't supposed to die a natural death" is a remarkable show and this production is not to be missed. it was extended till nov. 21st, so get on up to harlem if you are in nyc.

saturday we worked outside getting the yard ready for winter. we had a lot of stuff just laying around that we ended up trashing and i finally set up the composter i got kpr for his birthday in may. kpr moved our big picnic table to the empty lot next door and now there is tons of room for champ to run around in. i raked and picked up all the fucking trash our lovely upstairs neighbors launch off their balconies into our yard. it really pisses me off! don't they realize that this is our home, and littering in the backyard is just the same as dumping their trash in our living room? the cigarette butts are the worst and that just makes me fume (no pun intended). i'm not the biggest fan of smoking to begin with, ok, i have friends who smoke and i can put up with that (i certainly wish they didn't smoke, for their sakes), but it really busts my chops when smokers think it is just ok to fucking by throwing their butts on the ground! hello, the earth is not your personal ashtray! my friend kat always throws hers in a trashcan and i respect that. i wish she would just quit altogether, but i respect that she realizes that the outside is not hers alone and that she should clean up after herself. but when you are hanging off your balcony and decide its ok to leave your little droppings in my backyard- that is soooo not cool.

we've complained to the mgmt company (we're owners, everyone else are renters) and they have posted a letter in the entryway of the building, but no one pays attention. so, i'm really tempted to leave a little letter of my own under the doorway of each apt that faces the back- along with a nice pile of disgusting cigarette butts that they can dump in their living rooms. but i'm not sure if i want to go that route yet...

i just don't want to keep picking up other people's trash!

the backyard looks fabulous now and i love just standing and looking through the windows. the leaves have turned this fabulous yellow which makes the light coming into our living room just awesome. champ prowls around back there like he is king of the world- checking things out- hunting for squirrels. i had left a bunch of peanuts on the window sills, hoping the squirrels would hang out in front of the windows, but the nuts are gone and i haven't seen a squirrel back there in a while.

hmmmm... thats it for now. if i keep on rambling i might go off about how much i hate pms and that, i think, should be saved for another post.

Friday, November 05, 2004

labor day weekend, 2002

my parents were going to be in philadelphia, visiting my father's parents for the weekend. i told them i would take the train down to meet them. i wanted to bring flowers to my grandmother, but wasn't thrilled with the selection at penn station, i knew i should have bought them at any corner deli where you can buy pretty much any flower you want in the dead of winter. anywho, i decided against the flowers and made my mad-dash towards the right track. my dad met me at the station in philadelphia- so amazingly beautiful a structure, especially compared to yucky penn station. as we're walking out the door to my mom who is waiting in the car, we pass a flower stand with a beautiful display and i tell him to wait because i want to buy a bouquet for mom mom. being my dad, he of course, insists on paying for them and i say, "sure you can pay for them, but we are telling her they are from me." (i'm such a brat)

we get to my grandparents and spend the next few hours shooting the shit, walking around my pop pop's garden and drinking and eating ruffles ridges potato chips out of a napkin-lined, wicker basket. my mom mom loves the flowers and i can tell that she is touched because, even though she has a lot of visitors, not everyone brings something with them.

whenever we leave my grandparent's house, they always stand in the doorway and watch through the storm door as we walk down the driveway to the car. this is a picture that is burned into my mind as it happened so often. they would wave and smile at us, staying in the doorway until we drove off. this time was no different, as we walked down the driveway, my mom mom opened the storm door and yelled "thank you for my flowers!" i can still hear her voice ringing in my ears.

this is the last thing she ever said to me. in november of that year, she fell into a coma after a bout with pneumonia and we were all there with her as she passed away. this is a time, i can't even write about, because i cannot possibly describe how it felt to watch someone you had loved your whole life, enter an entirely new world without taking you along with her.

i'm so grateful for that trip, little did i know it would be my last time seeing her and i'm so grateful for those flowers. it just taught me that, sometimes, even the smallest gestures are something you will remember for the rest of your life.

love/hate penn station

if you have ever been to penn station in nyc, you have probably looked about and thought, "whose idea was this stinkhole?"
penn station is one of the most depressing feeling places in this great city,

we interrupt this post for a mini hershey chocolate bar. mmmmmmmm soooo deeeelisshhhousssss!

highlighted by the ultra-low ceilings in the hallway, the stale, stanky-ass smell, the lack of any kind of natural light (we all look so fabulous under those fluorescent tubes) and the disorganized chaos that occurs twice daily as people run around like chickens with their heads cut off, trying to catch their trains.

to reach the Amtrak part of the station, you have to walk up a steep set of stairs, past a baskin robbins (mmmmmm sorbet...). the atmosphere in this hallway is noticeably different because they have piped in classical music over the loud speakers. this immediately puts me at a sense of ease, which is greatly deceptive because of all the crap you have to go through to buy your ticket and get on the train.

i went to penn station this week as a favor to my boss, he needed a refund on a ticket he never used and i told him i would go if i could get a paid lunch hour (like i ever actually clock-out at lunch anyway, but hey i was feeling nice). so i walk down the hallway of bach and enter the main area of the station, people are milling around, waiting and anxiously staring at the large screen whose numbers flash and tell you which track you train is leaving from. here is the funny part, they don't tell you which track until like 2 minutes before departure time, so everyone is on edge, ready to bolt to the correct escalator when the announcement is made. this mad dash usually involves people being flung to the ground, fingers crushed, rolling suitcases being stumbled over, pushing, shoving and a general crush around the narrow entryway to the tracks below. hey- it’s all fun and games until someone loses and eye.

multiply this by 20 thousand during the holidays.

so anyway, i'm waiting in line on Monday, November 1st, to get credit for this ticket, i'm trying to enjoy the Beethoven and laughing at the mad-dashers to the tracks. its almost 2pm and the line is loooo-ong. because there is ONE person, ONE!! its a good thing i don't have a train to catch or i might look like the person behind me, or the person in front of me, or the person behind the person behind me. everyone is pissed and in general agreement that Amtrak sucks monkeyballs. i get up to the counter and ask for my refund, the woman smiles (god bless 'er) and says "are you aware of our new policies regarding refunds?" and i'm like "huh?" and she says that they now charge 10% to credit back any unused tickets, this policy went into effect- November 1st! of course it did! whatever, i don't care, it’s not my money. i smile sweetly at her and tell her to go ahead and take out the $10.60 and use it to get her nails done for all i care- just get me outta here fast!

she finishes the transaction, and is very polite, despite the obvious stress in her job- she is, after all, the only person people can yell at because of sucky Amtrak. i flash her the peace sign as i scamper away, running down the hallway to get back to civilization. as i pass the flower stand with it surprisingly limited display of flowers, i am immediately reminded of labor day weekend, 2002.


oh jeez oh man i have been trying to get into blogger all morning and nothing. i know this is nothing new to anyone, but ever since i installed haloscan, blogger has been acting up. coincidence? i have no idea.

anyway. this is not a political blog, but during the last few days i have been going off politically so to speak, but these were special circumstances, right? i have very strong political feelings, but i know that i can't express them in the exact way that i want, and so i let other people do that for me. now, back to your regularly scheduled ramblings.

in reading over my last blog entry, i realize that it is not completely true. the first blog i ever read was allaboutjendotcom, and jen and i have completely different ideas (especially politically!), but i think that she is a fantastic writer and enjoy seeing things from her point of view (even if it sometimes drives me crazy, i still respect her for having strong opinions). today is jen's birthday! she has no idea who i am, but happy birthday anyway jen!

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

keeping the noggin wide open.... um.... yeah

so as soon as i install haloscan, blogger gets all funky on me. is this normal? plenty of people use haloscan, but then again plenty of people have problems with blogger.

as i surf through blogexplosion, i find myself looking for specific things in other bloggers. namely, people who are a lot like me and who share my ideals. this is a bit disconcerting, as i should have an open mind and all- but i don't think i can waste my time reading about someone's relationship with god or someone else's obsession with building relationships and networking within your career. i understand that these blogs serve a purpose- but i don't want to read about them. i guess what i'm trying to say is, that all the new sites i've been to and enjoyed enough to bookmark, are by people who feel the same way as i do about a lot of things. this is not a bad thing, because i believe i can learn something from anyone- but frankly it surprises me because i always thought of myself as someone with the willingness to be open to others ideas.
but then again, as someone who spends her time in a career that is based on first impressions- like the second i enter the room i am judged- if you can't impress me in 30 seconds- then i'm moving on.
ok i'm still in a funk and probably will be for a while. but i've started this whole blog explosion thing and realize that its not great to have such a depressing post as the first thing people will read about you. so i will say this:

it is so cold in my office today that i know everyone i see must be wondering if the turkey is done. and let me tell you folks, this turkey is well done! rowrrr!

So here we are

i woke up with this icky feeling and its not from the two glasses of wine i had last night. the nypost this morning claimed another bush 'victory' which is completely false, bad reporting, but not a surprise coming from the post. i never want to turn on the tv again. or read another newpaper or online news source. maybe we can all just live in denial for the next four years (ack! its killing me to write that- the next four years). denial certainly works for this administration. they must sprinkle it in their coffee each morning, because its what they run on all day long.

i think we're doomed.

and it doesn't surprise me that this is all coming down to ohio. i have lived in both franklin and cuyahoga (still can't spell it) counties and i think it just figures. i think there was a lot of skeevy stuff going on there that we are going to find out about- i just hope its not too late. did i mention that i registered to vote three times in ohio and never received a voter card? three times!

what an embarrassment to w- he can't win his second term in a landslide because half the country detests him. now that is the marking of a great president. ha!

i want to crawl under my desk now.


Tuesday, November 02, 2004


i'm number 102 and they are on number 88. i'm sitting in the auditorium of the middle school around the corner. the room is abuzz and i'm feeling very excited- i even tear up a little while waiting in line to sign my name.

now they're on 90.

there are so many people here and that is very gratifying to see. its organized, but disorganized- people pushing past each other to enter the booths. we have these old-fashioned pull lever machines that are heavy and make a furious noise when your ballot is cast- S---l--i--d--e-----SLAM!-----democracy is done.


i always get a little nervous when entering the booth- like, "what if i fuck this up?" i go really slow and double check my work (something i never did in school).
the pollworkers (i almost just wrote poleworkers! ha! that's an entirely different profession!) are a bit frazzled, but still in good spirits, taking coffee orders for each other and wishing everyone a good day. this may be new york city, but this is our neighborhood and we're all in this together.


my district is very diverse- we are a cross section of america- a true melting pot. chinese, jews, young hipsters, older artists, blacks, puerto ricans, dominicans, families with young kids and seniors. i feel proud to live here and that we all co-exist peacefully.


last night i was talking to a classmate- an older actor who has been in new york for 22 years, and i said that this whole year has been about america holding up a mirror to her face and frowning at her reflection. i don't want to hate the way i look anymore, so this is my chance to blend away the blemishes to smile at that face looking back at me.

my turn.

The Kickass Arts in Education Conference

from Friday 10/29

All Guessed Out

The journal I am writing in is a promo item from Guess- it features a bunch of black and white photos from past ad campaigns, including one of Anna Nic*le Sm*th in her pre "I-gained-all-this-weight-and-am-completely-insane-on-my-own-tv-show,-but-then-I-lost-all-the-weight-thanks-to-these-magic-beans" days.
My bag is canvas with Guess emblazoned across one side. If anyone bothered to notice, they would think I'm a Guess wh*re- but aside from this free junk- I wouldn't touch the stuff.

I'm volunteering today for the New York City Arts in Education Roundtable- an all day event at Riverside Church, up near Columbia University.
I love this area of town- so collegiate, with beautiful manicured lawns and gardens-old stone buildings and such an academic feel. Coming up here makes me want to go back to school and really learn something this time.

Riverside Church is unbelievable beautiful- an immense building highlighted by an amazing, gothic-style tower- 20 floors up. Stained glass windows abound, intricately detailed doorways, molding, grates, ceilings, pedestals and lighting fixtures fill the place and make you feel like you are stepping back in time. They don't build like this anymore.

I am sitting in an assembly hall filled with teachers, artists & administrators. The room is abuzz and people flit up and down the aisles with much excitement. I am feeling a bit intimidated as all these people are professionals in the field and I am just a mere volunteer trying to perhaps get a leg up. But everyone has to start somewhere- right?
Snippets of conversation fly past me as I try and familiarize myself with the crappy HP Digital Camera they just gave me to take pictures of the speakers and the audience.

The camera sucks royal ass and every single on of the shots I take during the opening presentation are blurry and poorly lit. I remind myself to never buy a camera made by a computer company and not a camera company (go Canon!).

The rest of the day is fabulous and I've learned a lot- especially how to get my foot in the door. I've set up shadowing opportunities and have tried my best to make new connections. I think this is a great direction for me to go towards.

Some of the words and phrases I overheard today:
-multi-faceted -Consortium -Relationship with schools -modeling & reflection -stake holders -professional development (pd) effective communication -time management -practicum -breakout
-shoot for -teacher involved in classroom -pedagogy - parents -processing & assessment -scheduling -professional -human development -impact their lives -unit residency -encouraged -advocates -classroom environment - speak in terms of - management techniques -process & product -rich topics -collaborative process -differentiation -residencey -need to know, need to have -codify -language