Friday, April 28, 2006

Im sick, mom is sad.

the past few weeks have been extremely busy for me and right now i feel incredibly exhausted. i've been temping everyday 8:30-5:30 and four nights a week i have been going to either an acting class, and audition or an audition coaching. i've been reading plays, memorizing lines, doing character work and rehearsing in between all of that. the weekends have been a welcome respite, but not as relaxing as i have hoped, with wedding planning, tux shopping, easter travel, dress fittings with my sister, dog training, and cleaning the house (which only stays clean for about an hour). i've only been able to cook in our new kitchen a few times because by the time i get home at night i'm so tired and oh yeah, i haven't had a chance to grocery shop.

it feels good to go to work everyday, make some money, get things done. the people in this office are nice and it seems like a pleasant enough place to work. the office is decorated in a way that is soothing with different shades of blue on the wall and nice woodwork. the executive's offices have personality and flair and are tastefully arranged. fresh flowers are brought in on mondays and there is always munchies in the kitchen and free coke in the fridge (which i don't drink, although it is tempting). friday lunches are on the house and is ordered from a local restaurant. not a bad place to work. i would love it even more if it were 9-5 though- those extra half hours make all the difference.

i've been coaching with a casting director. she selected a scene for me that i have been working on and she has been setting up auditions twice a week with different agents, managers and casting directors. it has been my goal for the last three years to get an agent, to sign with an agent, not freelance, because the ones i have freelanced with in the past rarely call, rarely send me out on things and rarely

***stopped midpost because of crying and feeling sorry for self, i'm feeling a bit emotionally fragile right now***

its now almost 5 in the afternoon and i just received a text from our dogwalker saying that champ is now sick with what bonnie had last week (and still has this week, despite tomorrow being the last day of her antibiotics)
wtf? i know i have been anticipating this, but c'mon can't we get a break for these two guys?

i wish i had vodka here at work.

in other news, we have our tasting tonight and our menu planning tomorrow. we haven't exactly been pouring over our options so i'm thinking we'll just close our eyes and point at random things on the menu.

i've scheduled my first dress fitting. now all i have to do is lose the weight i have gained since mymeasurements were taken.



Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Dear Klienfelds you suck

I was all set 2 buy the bridal shoes of my dreams & u r closed on a WEDNESDAY!!?

Thursday, April 20, 2006

sick as a dog

the beginning of this week involved rushing champ to the vet after he had, well....., he....., ummm....., i can't even bear to say what champ did, so just imagine the worst thing a dog could do and then imagine being the one to run to the bathroom dripping with the worst thing a dog could do and trying not to vomit yourself. ok, imagine the two worst things a dog could do and then being covered in it and maybe having to trash the lovely carpet. ok? i'm not going to say it because it was completely disgusting and gross and totally the worst thing to come home to after a frustrating day at work. and it's all kpr's family's fault for feeding him and bonnie table scraps when they thought we weren't looking on easter sunday. they can't eat people food- they get stopped up, if you know what i mean. and then, their butts explode, ok? that's why we don't feed them people food, for fear of the exploding butt.

champ also had a huge stye (sp?) above his right eye, so a trip to the vet was definitely in order. right after i cleaned myself up from the dripping and the grossness. i left the carpet for kpr to deal with when he came home, to share in the fun.

while at the vet, i spent most of the time waiting in the lobby and crying because there was a big chow who was in the exam room who was crying so hard and loud and was so scared and it was an awful thing to hear and champ kept looking at me like, "you want me to go in there? hell no lady!"

so champ was injected with water under the skin to help with hydration, which was really weird, because he looked like a hunchback for a while and when you touched the bladder (yes, i called it a bladder), it would move around and was squishy and gross.

he is better now, and has seemed to recover from the worst thing a dog can do, and the carpet has been cleaned and steamed and vaccumed a million times over- i however, will be scarred for life.

fastforward to wednesday, where the stuffy nose that bonnie has had all week, that we thought was just cute little allergies, is all of the sudden a respiratory infection that may or may not turn into pneumonia. fanfuckingtastic. we had the lovely vet who lives next door check her out and he called antibiotics into our local rite aid straight away (who thought you could get doggie drugs at the rite aid? i'm wondering if bonnie can hook us up with valium, or better yet horse tranquilizers!). i was up till about 2am and then again at 4:30am with her, listening to her struggle to breathe and cheering each breath she took. her eyes are all gummy and the snot has been unbelievable. she weighs ten pounds and has produced at least 60 pounds in mucus in the last four days.

the antibiotics are working and i can hear her breathing getting easier. she spent some time outside with champ and i today and seems to be doing better (i called in to work today, i had to stay home with my babies!). still snotty though. i'm hoping there is no need to take her in and have a chest xray- i'd hate to put her through all the medical mumbo jumbo again. her whole life has been illness, followed by joy and happiness and health, only to get sick again a few months later. i think being on the steroids has really fucked with her immune system and she's paying for it now.

Friday, April 14, 2006

good friday

the commute to work today was delightful. it seems as if everyone in new york is off on religious holiday, which means the rest of us get to enjoy the benefits of a quieter city. the subway came right on time, i was able to sit down without a hassle. there was none of that holding door crap that slows up the trip. it was whisper quiet on the train. everything ran smoothly and i cut off about 5 minutes from my commute, which was good because i was running about 10 minutes late. the phones have been super quiet so far (knock on wood), so it is indeed a good friday.

this is the worst time of year to be without a camera! everything is blooming everywhere and i'm constantly walking down the street wanting to snap some photos, but our camera is broken. i've registered us for a new one, but i might break down and buy one before that (like i have an extra 300 bucks laying around...). i feel like i'm missing out on a capturing things and i haven't taken a proper photo of the dogs in weeks!

our kitchen is finally (almost) finished. the plumbing was hooked up on tuesday and i was able to actually cook dinner last night! the dishwasher was put to test this morning, we'll see how everything turns out when i get home. we still have to put in a backsplash of some sort and i need a step ladder to reach all our super high cabinets. i would take pictures of everything we had done but, see above.

my sister is coming down from boston tonight and then all of us are traveling to my future in-laws house for easter dinner. tomorrow we pick out our invitations! (only four weeks till we need to send them out, can we say procrastinate?)

have a terrific weekend!

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

spiritual cleansing

have you ever felt like you have certain emotions that just get "stuck" inside of you? the feeling has passed, but maybe you never truly dealt with the emotion and there is a residue that lingers. have you ever felt like there is a prevailing, yet subconscious, way you feel about yourself and your actions that drives every decision you make? do your feelings from childhood, who you thought you were, how you were treated, how you felt emotionally, motivate your actions, consciously or subconsciously?

if you are like me, you probably don't want to admit any of this to yourself. but, yes, there are certain ideas that i have about myself, that may keep me from fulfilling my true potential. i don't really want to think about any of these things, but yesterday, i did.

a friend of mine recommended a friend of her's as an intuitive healer. i'm into alternative medicine, acupuncture, yoga, meditation, spirituality, y'know all that kindof stuff. so this really wasn't a stretch for me. i was open to it.

i wasn't sure what to expect. i have some super annoying chronic illnesses, that tend to get in my way more often than i would like, so i went in search of aid for these complaints (and in search of a killer complexion). we started out with a nutritional consultation, where she recommended different supplements and foods that should help alleviate my symptoms (digestive, lung and skin issues). most of which i was familiar with, but not quite sure how to use.

we also talked about doing a spring cleanse, which i'm really keen to do as this is the best time to clean out your insides and start fresh. she recommended taking one day in the
  • first week and using the master cleanse, and eating lightly the day after.
  • the next week, i should do the master cleanse for three days, being careful to break the fast on the fourth day.
  • the third week, i should do a liver cleanse for two weeks.
  • the fifth week, i should repeat the master cleanse for three days
  • the week after that i should do a kidney/bladder cleanse.

i plan on getting started next week, after easter, but carefully planning around my shower weekend and also memorial day weekend! we have a little over three months till wedding day and i want to be in top shape (internally and externally, that is).

the second part of my session was a spiritual cleansing. i laid down on a soft massage table in the darkened treatment room. it was very comfortable and the essential oils on the table made it smell nice and i was super relaxed. there was new-agey music playing. i did a lot of deep cleansing breathes and then jennifer performed her magic on me. she reached into my energy field and literally started mixing things up and sweeping things away. my whole body began to vibrate and even though my eyes were closed, i was very aware of everything she was doing. she was bunching together negative thoughts and emotions, which were centered around my gut and just under my heart. she would gather everything together and then pick it up and throw it away. i could feel certain things clearing in my body and i was beginning to let go. she worked like this for over an hour and it was exhausting! she would do little kinestetic tests where she would press against my upraised arm and make a statement, and if that statement was true, i would resist her arm, if it was false, i had no strength against her. there is a connection electrically when things are true in your body.

one of my biggest issues was self trust, also self hatred (which manifests itself in my second guessing every decision i make), i do have safe control over my emotions, but definite anger issues (external things having the power to define my strength in anger, instead of me using and defining that strength). it all makes sense to me as these are things i have been feeling (at least in the back of my head) my whole life. sometimes you just have to deal with that little voice that invades your thoughts.

i am by no means 'cured.' but self awareness is the first step to improvement. i feel really balanced today and more relaxed than i have in a while. if anything, i had a chance to meditate on what's going on inside of me, instead of focusing so much on the external.

i'm looking forward to the cleanses and doing more energy work. i'm not sure what i would like the final outcome to be. or even if i think there is a final outcome, after all i'm a firm believer in the idea of 'works in progress.'

Thursday, April 06, 2006

i am not kabbalah

when i was in brazil, i visited a very famous church in salvador (some of the pictures are part of my flickr account which can be accessed by that stupid revolving pictures thing to the right that only shows the pictures of the night i got drunk at carnaval and not the rest of the trip!).

bon fim church is a very spiritual place and when you visit, you are given a piece of ribbon to tie around your wrist. as the knot is pulled tight, you are supposed to make a wish. when the wish comes true, you can untie the knot and remove the bracelet.

my piece of ribbon is hot pink. not a red string, but a hot pink ribbon. i refuse to take it off because i am very close to making this wish come true and i don't want to fuck it up. call me superstitious- but sometimes i need all the help i can get. oh, and technically, i tied three knots and made three wishes, so this thing is going to be on a long time. call me greedy too.

last night i was in a new scene study class. we were doing some relaxation exercises and i was lying down on the floor and the teacher comes up to me and touches my ribbon and says,

"my daughter has one of these too."

and i thought to myself, "oh my gosh! her daughter went to bon fim in brazil too?!!"

and then i realized that she probably thinks that this is a kabbalah bracelet and that i am following some sort of fad religious-y thing. that i love demi and ashton and madonna and britney and posh spice (thank GOD she didn't go to scientology!).

hmmmm, i wonder how many other people see this little ribbon and think i'm with the kabbalah?

but i'm keeping it on, it's worth the risk. hello wishes, here i come!