looking to 2005

i'm sitting here in the house alone after spending the last two days cleaning for our little party tonight. living in nyc, the house gets pretty dirty, pretty quick.
kpr and champ went out to get the last of the supplies for the party and i'm hoping they will come back with a bottle of that sparkling apple cider, as his cousin is pregnant and i wanted to have a little more than ginger ale for her to toast with at midnight.
i've actually enjoyed preparing for tonight- we've turned the music up really loud and i stop what i'm doing every once and a while for a dance break with champ. he loves to put his front paws around your neck and boogie.
it's funny, when kpr and i clean, we make a general list of what needs to be done and then go about our own thing and eventually check over each other's progress- getting those missed spots and dusty nooks and crannies. the house is sparkling now and i'm about to get up and prepare 7 layer dip and put stuff together for the brie with cranberry chutney. My friend kelly made this for our last girls night and it was delicious. mmmmmm my mouth is watering just thinking about it.

happy new year everyone- here's to a fabulous 2005!

who sucks? us airways sucks!

us airways sucks big monkey balls and they are asking their employees to work for free.

here is a list of all the wrong doings they have done to me personally:
-cancelled my first flight
-cancelled the second flight
-i was first on standby for the third flight- yet they had oversold the flight by three people-the flight went out full
-if your luggage has a columbus sticker on it, it will make it to columbus- even if you don't...
-$80 to and from the airport in one day
-booked a flight from philadelphia- kpr kindly drove me to philadelphia from new york and braved the airport traffic- left me at the ticketing terminal only to immediately have to turn around because they
-cancelled my third flight
-missed christmas with my family which means my parents have to take the expense to
-ship me all my christmas presents
and i have to
-ship all my christmas presents
-i've tried calling the 800 number about 400 times the past 6 days only to be disconnected, hung up on or given another number to call because "we don't handle lugggage" and thats about
-100 minutes on my cell phone
-oh- and my luggage? well god only knows where that is.
-i went down to the city desk finally (2 bucks each way), only to be told that they couldn't process my refund because i didn't have the credit card # (it was my mother's)
oh and
-"we don't handle luggage here, you have to go to laguardia and file a claim with them."
let me repeat that

-"you have to go to laguardia and file a claim with them"

i hate them i hate them i hate them

but i love kpr because he told me he will drive me to laguardia tomorrowon his day off.

ohio? not so much

hmmmmmm. i didn't actually make it home for christmas this year. thanks to the good folks at us airways and of course mother nature. i was incensed and very upset for days last week. but now i am mellow, introspective and counting my blessings despite not making it home. i have learned that it is truly embarrassing to burst into tears in front of complete strangers. strangers carrying luggage- its bad enough they are strangers but to cry in front of someone carrying luggage just makes you feel even worse.

my flight was scheduled to leave at 9:40am on thursday on usairways from lga to cmh (check out the fancy airport codes, am i in the know or what?!). my mother and i had been conversing for the past few hours about how bad the weather was in columbus and all the snow and ice- so needless to say, i had been frequently checking the status of my flight and kpr even called cmh and they were still open. so i spent $40 on the car from my home to lga (thanks to that lovely bonus my kind bosses gave me) and set out to the airport with high hopes. this was the last point of the day in which my hopes were high. i arrived, tipped the friendly driver and pulled my heavy suitcase (with only one wheel, thanks to usairways a few years ago) up to the self service kiosk and was prepared to check myself in. imagine my dismay when the display told me my flight had been cancelled when only five minutes earlier i had checked the status and everything was good to go. why do they even bother providing the flight status service if the information is wrong? the not-so-friendly-usairways employee told me i had to "go wait in that line" to make new arrangements. she pointed to the trembling mass of enraged people that was pretty much filling the entirety of the ticketing terminal. fabulous. a nicer usairways employee told me to call the 800 # while i was in line and make my new arrangments over the phone and then when it was my turn, they could just print my new boarding pass and it would be that easy. it is never that easy. i couldn't get through on the phone, it kept on disconnecting me. i got us to the counter and the woman was like- "oh its no good there, can you take a train or something?" hmmmmmmmm. i think not you freaking freak!

you know what? as i type this, i am losing that sense of mellow and counting my blessings and i'm getting mad again- so let me just summarize:

standby flight- full
mean, horrible, uncaring, uninformed usairways employees
next day drive to philadelphia to catch a direct flight-
cancelled
crying on phone to everyone i know and in front of people carrying baggage
mean, horrible, uncaring, uninformed and organized sick-out usairways employees
mom upset
great aunt passes away, mom terribly upset

spent christmas with kpr and champ and kpr's family-
nice surprise
had a mystery gift from santa to open on christmas morning
spent christmas day watching first season of sopranos
we're now hooked
didn't spend christmas in miserable airport crying in front of people who lost said luggage
had power (not everyone in oh did)
had lobster tail for christmas dinner
am now home safe and sound and not in miserable airport crying in front of people with lost luggage
not quite sure where my luggage is or if i will ever see it again or if i will ever get through on usairways customer service line- contemplating going to city desk by grand central station, but that would require showering and going out in the snow which is hard to do when my snow boots are lost in luggage.
expecting big package with all my christmas gifts from my family to arrive on wednesday- including champ's new bed!

so that's it. it wasn't the christmas i was looking forward to all year, but it was a great christmas none the less- i was able to spend it with kpr and champ and you can't beat that.

i hope everyone else had a very merry time and i'm looking forward to the new year!

the tree was erected

a little elf must have clued kpr into my need for christmas decorations because he came home after work on monday and immediately went and got the ladder out, carried it upstairs and went through the storage space looking for our holiday box. i was busy jumping up and down, squealing and clapping my hands with glee! how i love kpr!

i'm leaving tomorrow morning for oh to spend christmas with my family. kpr will be going to his folks, with champ. i'm very excited for the holiday and even more excited that i'm finished shopping, i'm not excited to pack tonight, whenever i return from my friend katrina's house (it's gonna be late, because, there will be wine and toffee making and did i mention wine?).

being a temp is great. that's what i do for money if i hadn't mentioned that already. being a temp sucks during the holidays though. two reasons- no holiday pay and no bonus. all this time i've been taking off recently has cost me double- for the trip itself and for loss of work. and next week they told me they don't need me at all- so there's another week of lost pay. ouch. the place i worked last year was kind enough to give me a very generous bonus- shockingly generous really. i had pretty much resigned myself to the fact that i would not be getting a bonus this year, because i am at a different office and i was out the week they handed out bonuses, but today i was very pleasantly surprised when my two bosses approached me at the copy machine and handed me a card and said very nicely "this is for a happy holiday and thanks a lot." it was very sweet and generous and they seemed embarrassed and i was embarrassed and said something stupid like, "oh thanks so much, you didn't have to, blah blah blah." i opened the card and was very touched, it just said "thank you" and had some money in it that i knew was from them personally and not the company. than i felt like an idiot for not getting either of them at least a card. but oh well.

this may be my last post before the holiday (or it may not, who knows)- so happy whatever you choose to celebrate or not celebrate to you all!

i never want to fly again

i've been flying a lot the last few weeks, with the holidays and such. i'm sick and tired of flying- i know all of you who travel for business, etc.. have no sympathy, but really, i never want to fly again. the weather has been terrible and each trip has been filled with white-knuckled turbulence. my last two flights have been completely blind landings because of rain and fog. my insides go crazy and i can feel my stomach producing that lovely stress-cocktail that plagues my skin and my energy levels for the next week. i try various breathing techniques, but nothing blocks that screaming in my head "the plane is going down and you are going to die!"

did i mention i have to fly back to ohio on thursday? fantastic.

kpr and i were on a cruise last week. his company sent all employees and significant others and we had a great time. we were supposed to go to cozomel, but never made it there- a passenger had a heart attack and we had to turn around and go back towards key west. they re-routed us through nassau island, the bahamas, but it was off season there and chilly and rainy. kpr and i had fun, though. i didn't get to show off my two new bathing suits (bikinis woo hoo!), but it was nice just spending time with him during the day and eating and relaxing and eating some more.

I've decided to start eating healthy again after the holidays. this is not a new year's resolution (i don't really believe in them), but something i have been meaning to do for a while, but realistically have been putting in off until after new years. i can't expect myself to give up wine and cheese during the wine and cheese season, now can i? i'm going to stop the dairy-alcohol-wheat craziness for about a month and give my system a rest. i can't give them up forever, but i know i can do it for a month. i'm going to the dr. tomorrow to get a hold on my asthma, which has been spinning out of control since september and going to start back up on supplements again. for a while i was taking so many vitamins and supplements, it drove me crazy and i just stopped everything. the cold weather is awful for my skin and lungs and immune system, so i know i gotta start taking the horse pills again.

its been great to get back to reading everyone's blog again- has helped put me in the holiday spirit. we don't have any decorations up this year because they are all in the storage space and we just haven't had the time to lug the ladder out and sort through all the stuff in storage- so no decorations- has made me a little sad, but i know that kpr has been so busy with work, he would do it if he had the time. i would get them out myself, but the ladder we have is sooooo heavy (whine) and i'd have to carry it upstairs and i know i would knock up all the walls that kpr has been working on all year. trust me, i would do it if i could.

hmm- just typing all that has made me want the decorations even more. poop.

Reality TV; it's not just for the real people anymore.

a few months ago i interviewed for a WB show called "America's Next Starlet." uggh, just thinking about it i can't believe i bothered to show up to the casting, doesn't it just sound gross? but it was around the corner from my office and i thought i'd just pop in to see what was going on and blah blah blah.

anyway- it was so amusing to look around the waiting area and size up the competition- i usually go to strictly theatre auditions, so the film and tv crowd can sometimes freak me out. one girl was wearing a long slinky gown, elbow length gloves, bright red lipstick and a feather boa! i had to admire her for her determination, the only problem was that she totally couldn't back the outfit up- she was a complete, blathering idiot- not sexy at all! most of the girls were showing some, if not lots, of cleavage. lots of makeup and fake tans. i was in my work clothes because i had just found out about the audition about an hour before i got there. as is the usual with most auditions, there was a lot of waiting and some of the girls were trying to make conversation with each other. i usually stay out of that nonsense because it always becomes a not-so-subtle resume competition. "i just finished playing the leading role in soandso's production of "thisandthat" and we got fabulous reviews! here's the postcard!" "i just shot a student film where i had to run down madison avenue in 4 inch heels! i tell you i felt just like carrie on "sex and the city"!" and all of that kindof crap.
we did a group interview with 15 people. the casting director was really sweet and basically just threw questions out there and it was a free for all as far as who dominated the conversation. i'm always very honest and up front about who i am and i answered the questions truthfully and tried to 'just be myself.' i could tell that a lot of girls were 'playing' a character- trying to be what they thought the casting director was looking for and you could totally see right through it. hello? this is reality tv- they are looking for actors to play real people here!

one girl actually said, "i think i would be a good contestant on this show because america would spend the whole season trying to figure out if my boobs are real or not."

i kid you not.

overall- i feel like i made a good impression and didn't look like a complete psycho.
afterwards they had us stand around and wait to see if we were called back. only 3 out of the 15 of us were asked to move on and i was one of them- ha! slinky dress girl went home with her feather boa between her legs. so did fake or not fake-boobs girl.
the next step was looking over a monologue- familiarizing yourself with it and then they would call you to a separate room for a one-on-one interview. the monologue wasn't too hard and i was ready when they called me in for the interview. it was on camera and i had to wear one of those fun mic things. i felt really confident about the interview and the second casting director told me i did a good job and that i would be moving on to the next round. i was given a huge questionnaire- a complete background information check. i had to go back years and years as for former roommates and jobs- they run a criminal record check- and then they ask you silly questions like "what would you do if someone left their dirty dishes in the sink all the time?"
i would pile their dirty dishes on their pillow- duh.

i dropped the packet off the next day and hoped that they would call me.

well, they never did, but, at least i got a story to tell out of it, right?

thanks to jen and her recent story (dec 7th, 11:50am) for inspiring this post.

no more new jersey

i will never again go out to an audition in new jersey.
i repeat
i will never again go out to an audition in new jersey.

i awoke at the butt crack of dawn this morning in order to get ready for a film audition at 9am, in new jersey. i had made a little rule for myself about two years ago that i would never cross the hudson for work. i had had a terrible experience with a student film, where basically penn station (the hell-hole that it is) was shut down for two hours and i was stuck on my train in a tunnel. by time i got to the train station in orange, nj, walked the mile from the station to the university (in the dark, mind you), the director had up and left me stranded. i didn't have a telephone number, she had mine, but never called to see if i was dead in a ditch somewhere. i trudged back the mile to the train station (with a suitcase full of costume pieces), and as i sat on the cold, rainy platform for and hour, waiting for the next train, i vowed never again to go out to an audition in new jersey.

fast forward two years and my insanity yesterday in agreeing to take a bus to secaucus, nj to a casting office in order to say three lines in what turned out to be a reading for a subaru commercial.

this morning, i somehow find the bus, despite the disorganized chaos that is port authority bus station (just as bad as penn station). once boarding the bus, i felt like a blind person, because i literally had no idea where i was going. just a brief description of what the bus stop looked like. i sat anxiously alert in my seat ready to hit the call button when it looked like i should get off. after about thirty minutes on the bus, i was nervous, we were nearing the end of the route and my stop hadn't come up yet. the bus driver stopped at one point and directed two men down the street to 600 meadowlands pkwy. wait! that was my stop! i asked him if he goes past that address and he said "not this bus, you have to get out here and walk about a mile down the road."

sound familiar?

ughhh. i woke up at the butt crack of dawn for this?

i get out of the bus and am delighted to learn that there is no sidewalk for most of the way. images of my body being found in a ditch somewhere flash through my mind, but i shake the thoughts away and plod ahead.

i finally reach the place, out of breath and windblown, in the middle of an industrial park by the railroad tracks.

lovely.

i go to the restroom, fix my hair and makeup and make my way up to the casting office.

which is also a vitamin distribution office.

fantastic.

i walk in and the casting director, camera man and another actor are the only ones in the room. i put my stuff down and introduce myself to everyone, handing my headshot and resume to the cd. he explains the set up and then we get down to business. the scene is three lines, i play a tough detective interrogating a 'shady' character- i tried to channel those sexy ladies from nypd blue. i read through the scene once with the other actor and am about to do a second reading when the cd is like, "great! super! fantastic! thank you so much for coming out!" and that was it.

that was it?!!

i was just getting started! that reading really sucked. it sucked a lot. it took like 15 seconds to happen and then that was it. oh my god i sucked so bad. a hour and a half commute, walking a mile down a parkway, and i only get one sucky reading?!

but we were sent on our way, we would know by 8pm tonight if we got the job. the only way i will get this job is if i am the only person who showed up for this role.

arrggghhhh! i woke up at the butt crack of dawn for this?!

the cd gave us instructions on how to get back to the bus stop and the other actor (adam) and i walked along, joking about how crazy this was. we stood around the bus stop and bullshitted for about 30 minutes, waiting for the bus. i took out my time-table and saw that the bus was supposed to arrive at 9:50. we were standing in the middle of nowhere- an industrial park behind us and up the street- train tracks across the road. tractor trailers kept on speeding by, spitting exhaust fumes in our face. i was just thankful it wasn't raining.
a woman who was out on a smoke-break asked us if we were waiting for the bus. yes, we said. "that bus doesn't come down this far, you have to walk about a mile up the road and wait at another bus stop."

you have got to be kidding me.

so we walked up the road and completely missed the 9:50 bus to new york. i checked the time-table again and, the next bus? yeah- that was in an hour.

an hour! we've been waiting for thirty minutes and now we have to wait another hour because the stupid guy told us the wrong stop?!!

arrrggghhhhh! i woke up at the butt crack of dawn for this?!!

the bus finally arrives and i get on, relieved to be going back to new york, then i realize i still have to go into work- the day hasn't even started for me yet.

good grief! no more new jersey for me.

spicy ladies, spicy indian food

last night i had three of my favorite friends over for indian take-out. except we didn't take-out, we ordered-in, as is the thing to do in new york city. ahhhhhh, i love ordering-in, you can bask in the comfort of your own home and your fluffy pajama pants while enjoying a decent meal that someone else prepared for you. and sometimes i get to practice my spanish with the delivery men.

anyway. my friends m and k live all the way up in my old hood and we've known each other for 5 years- met at the national theatre institute and ended up in the same block in nyc (k actually took over my lease when i moved in with kpr), my other friend, m-b is danish and is in nyc for a month. she and i met in russia at a theatre program in st. petersburg.

hmmm initials are getting confusing, time for fake names. karen, meredith and mary-beth gathered at our humble abode and we enjoyed a night of yummy delicious indian food (i ordered way too much, but we ate most of it anyway), cheap austrlian shiraz (oz brand, not too bad), a fire in the fireplace and lots of laughs. karen and meredith had never met mary-beth and she is such a lovely fantastic person, i knew they all would get along. and the did. i love spending time with mary-beth because she is such a friendly, out-going person and offers a european point of view to things we americans tend to take for granted. important things like television, hollywood actors and foreign films.

we had tons of fun and lingered over the take-out container strewn table. meredith made her way over to the sofa and passed out around 9:30 (she's been working hard and has had no sleep), while mary-beth, karen and i drank more wine and oohhed and ahhed over how cute champ is. karen and meredith ended up spending the night on our two couches and mary-beth walked home to nolita, a few blocks away. i went to bed, smiling at my friends before i shut the door and promptly fell into a nice sleep.

hmmm maybe i just answered my own question

if you google "shows my bo0bs"
my site is #10
strangely, i feel almost a sense of pride at this... ;)

but maybe i shouldn't post a pic (and don't ask for a picture of my bo0bs)? let me know what you think- do you have a pic of yourself on your site?

the original divine one talked to liz smith of ny post recently:

THE DIVINE ONE, Bette Mid ler, called from L.A. to say she is still having a ball taking her "Kiss My Brass" tour across America. Does Middle America get her? "Oh, Liz, they loved me in Omaha and in Oklahoma City and particularly in Texas — San Antonio, Dallas and Houston. New Orleans? Well, get out! They adored me!" (From others, such confidence would seem like bragging. From Bette, it's simply a joyful, appreciative statement of fact.)

Bette asked if any turkeys had survived Thanksgiving in New York? She laughed when I told her I'd recently seen a wild turkey casually strolling along a busy road in the Connecticut countryside.

Bette returns to Manhattan Dec. 13. We've missed her.


kiss my brass was one of the best shows i've ever seen (and i saw it twice dudes)

*ahem* i'm better now, thanks

i'm surfing a lot on BE today, so i realize that i had better neaten up my own pad so my new visitors don't thing i'm a complete raving lunatic (see following post).
so instead of the f-word, think happy thoughts, right?

i'm debating as to whether i should post a picture of self on my profile or not and i would love to hear your opinions. leave a comment and let me know how you feel about it and if you have a pic on your site.

ps- whoever keeps leaving almond joys out at the office obviously doesn't care about my need to be in bikini shape in two weeks for our cruise to cozumel. argggghh!

a rant about the mtfuckinga

i was stuck waiting for a train for 20 minutes today and then once i got the train i was trapped in said train for 30 minutes. apparently, a train jumped the tracks at herald square , at 4:15 this morning. yet it was still backed up 4 hours later. workers had been replacing a track and forgot to lock it into place. hello? isn't that like, half the job, locking the track into place? stupid asses.

now generally, i love public transportation, love love love it. love the idea of it that is. love the not paying for gas, insurance or car payments. love that i can read a book (or US Weekly) or do my makeup or sit and chat with a friend while someone else gets me where i'm going. love the fact that i am directly contributing to less pollution in the air, less congestion on our streets and less individual oil dependency.

but on days like today when it is raining cats and freaking dogs and i'm afraid my own dog is going to crap in the house while i'm at work because he doesn't like to poop in the rain and i'm already running late to work (what's new?) i don't want to be stuck standing on a stinky, wet, squishy, disgusting train.

the mta has a history of being poorly managed- you only have to look around your local station to see what stupid mistakes and decisions are being made. like they blocked off my normal entrance for months, in order to make repairs and install new tile (white tile, btw, which looks nice for about 5 seconds and then gets dirty because it's freaking new york city). a month after they opened the entrance, they closed it down and ripped out a quarter of the newly installed tile in order to put in a security gate. now, you stupid fucks, wouldn't it have made sense to do that in the first place, instead of incurring more costs, and wasting the work already done? not to mention inconveniencing the people who pay for everything to be done in the first place? oh- and installing that pretty tile floor was the stupidest idea ever considering it looked like shit before your workers were even done with the job. what's the point of putting in a nice floor if it's just going to show every bit of dirt in the universe and be impossible to clean? it seems like a nice, simple, gray, concrete floor would make more sense you morons. oh and it would probably cost a lot less. but cutting costs isn't really your main concern is it?

fuck you mta, fuck you fuck you fuck you, you fucking crooks.

oh and yesterday, when none of the vending machines would read credit cards- that was brilliant. thanks for totally messing up my cash budget for the week, assholes.

oh and don't you dare raise the fare again less than two years after the last fare hike you fuckers.

Where to begin?

ok- so I’m back to the blogosphere. oh how I missed you internet. I’m really looking forward to catching up with what I’ve missed in your life the past week and a half. I hope all is well and that you had your fill at thanksgiving dinner (or had a second thanksgiving dinner if you are Canadian. Or, pondered the magnificence and oddity that is canned cranberry jelly, if you don’t celebrate thanksgiving.)

so, i've been gone, off to wonderful tropical islands and then to home-base ohio. i've been mentally composing entries the whole time, but in the interest of my sanity, i'll only record bits and pieces of what the all-inclusive bar at the resort allows me to remember.

broken up in separate posts in chronological order for your reading delight:

the domincan republic- punta cana
T & j’s wedding was at the hotel paradisus, an all-inclusive resort. When I say all-inclusive, I mean, I didn’t carry around any money, and I got to drink the bar dry if I wanted to. And, if you want three lobster dinners in one night- go right ahead, they’ll keep boiling the lobsters! Hooray! great hotel, strongly recommend it. beautiful beach, perfect weather (hot sun + cool breeze= paradise).

40 guests attended the wedding. 40 guests! this is a true testament to how awesome t & j are as people and as a couple. the ceremony was on the beach on a picture perfect day, and completely in spanish. each line was translated by a close friend or family member. this was beautiful and how awesome is it to hear your best friend pronounce you man and wife? t's mother stood up for him and j's brother stood up for her. j asked me to take pictures with her camera. so i was jumping around everywhere trying to capture everything, but also take non-traditional shots as well (they also had a professional, but she wanted me to make sure that they had photos that weren't just, two people standing next to each other, ya know?) it was really fun and i had brief fantasies of becoming a professional wedding photographer, but then I gathered my wits about me and realized that I don’t know anything about taking pictures unless it’s point and shoot. I do think I took some really nice shots and hope that t & j appreciate them.

kpr and i had a magnificent time together. it was great to just get away and hang out in paradise with the one you love. i really, really like going to a bar and ordering anything you want and not having to lay any cash down. oh- and room service was included to, which came in handy on the days we just wanted to "sleep in"

*ahem.


I usually avoid the Atlantic because it is too damn cold, but we were in tropical paradise, so I stuck in my toes and them kpr threw the rest of me in. the water was wonderful and I had a great time splashing about. but really, there is nothing like just laying on the beach...

oh- and i realized that the whole ocean makes a magical nasal douche- cleared my sinus infection right up! Betcha wanted to know that.

Tuesday- Home for a day and-

Took champ to the vet. GIARDIA! Wonderful. Poor little bugger has had the runs for a while, now we know why. Sure didn’t affect his appetite or his mood- he’s been his ravenous, sunny little self the whole time. Everyone at the vet loved him and were so surprised that such a good dog was a rescue. He was very good during his ouchy shots and didn’t protest to two vials of blood- what a little trooper! I took him shopping to bed bath and beyond and rewarded him with a new squeaky toy. We couldn’t feed him for the rest of the day and when 7 pm came and went he just stared at us like, “hello? Guys? Remember me and how I need to be fed RIGHT NOW?!”
He’s still on antibiotics, but the poop is solid now. Betcha wanted to know that, didn’t ya?

Wednesday- oHIo

I flew to my parent’s house for the holiday. Kpr took the train to his folks in pa. Mom & pops were delighted that all of their offspring could make it back for the big feast. I have to say that I am so lucky that we all get along so well. At one point all five of us were napping in the living room while watching something on hbo- how cute is that?
Dinner was delicious and I love my mom’s stuffing and ocean spray cranberry sauce. Gotta love the sauce. Needless to say, with the parents buying, I drank a lot. Wine is my friend.

Got back yesterday and

Kpr and I spent most of the day cuddling while watching football. The eagles kicked the giants’ ass, thank you very much. We’re keeping are fingers crossed that mcnabb is going to take them all the way this year. But as in true Philadelphia fashion, they will probably choke in the playoffs, despite having the best record in the NFL. I just can’t get my hopes up any more.

After football, kpr took me out on a real live date! He’s leaving for seattle today and I was away for the holiday, so we wanted to make the most of our night together. We went to a new sushi bar Sachi’s on Clinton and had a great time. It was a Sunday night and 6 o’clock, so we had the place to ourselves and our own personal sushi chef, who explained each cut of fish to us and prepared it right there in front of us. The sushi was the best I’ve ever had, so fresh and we even had sashimi, which I never go for, I prefer the rolls, but it was so fresh and so delicious. They had a few delicacies from Japan, fish you can’t get anywhere else in the city and we felt really adventurous. I love just sitting in a restaurant and ordering at a whim. We would try a piece of fish and if we liked it we would just order another one. How great is that? we talked to the owner for a while and wished her the best of luck- she was so nice and the sushi chef was a great guy- he and I compared restaurants in the neighborhood, and we have the same taste. Which means I have good taste because, hello- he’s like a sushi chef and knows what he’s talking about.

We finished a bottle of wine there and scampered across the street to punch and judy, a wine bar. We always order flights and tonight was no exception. I love flights of wine, because I often lose interest in the taste of a glass of wine after a while, and I love going from taste to taste. Don’t ask me what we drank though- because all I know is that they were white and Italian and deeeelicious!

I love date night and I think that kpr and I should go out more on Sunday nights because you can hold hands and stare dreamily at each other all while pretending that this is your own private restaurant.

i'm back for now- happy thanksgiving!

we had a fantabulous time in the d r. more about that next week when i return from the folks place for the holiday. thanks so much to by best gal pal mo for filling in for me. hopefully she will decide to start her own blog one of these days and she can totally show me up in her amazingly awesome talented superific way.

happy thanksgiving all you crazy americans!

later

things realized & embraced over a weekend

dearest divine readers, it has been one power-packed weekend of enlightments. (at one point i thought of stephen dedalus from joyce's "portrait..." and wished for a brief moment i was in ireland, in a pub, being enlightened by lovers with irish accents. it was a bried moment, and i embraced my place in cleveland, as it offered its own form of inspiration, despite its mistake-by-the-lake reputation. that was one long winded sentence, in parathesis nonetheless.)

first realization: i love old friends. when i say old, i don't mean senior-citizen old, though i do love those old friends too. i mean old in the sense that you have known them since/before puberty, and you have watched them as they have watched you, twist and turn into adult selves. i love that i have witnessed these young boys go from small, hanger-thin collarbone, zit-faced, braces, sex-on-their-mind-all-the-time jocks, raging college alcoholics, to late-twenties men. many are still the young boys from fifth grade, but some have transformed so beautifully into men. and i'm floored when i see them. i love their hugs. i love that i learned to kiss on so many of their lips. i love that they still call me mo (a nick-name i inherited when my nieces couldn't pronounce my name, so i became aunt momo, mo for short.) and then their are the girls. oh the girls, and how nasty we girls have been to each other over the years. how we fought over those zit-faced, braces, sex-on-their-mind-all-the-time jocks. i will admit that i somehow stayed out of many of those cat-fights. i hated conflict then (and still do), so i put aside any potential conflict-raising feelings. i was passive. very passive. anyway, i love seeing them too. i love having watched them sprout into young women, and the passage through the ugly-akward face that all of us endured. how really beautiufl their faces are, and have become with age. aging is rougher on women than men, i think. but i personally love to see the wisdom in wrinkles, than the fear in face-lifts. not that anyone our age should even consider face-lifts, but some will. i know they will. and i hope they don't. anyway, i'm off on a tangent. i love seeing how the social dynamics of high school girl friends are suddenly brushed aside by most, and friendship is no longer about popularity, but about real support and giving. granted, i love this and realize it's not the case with all. some are still wrapped up in a high school mentality. and that saddens me a bit. but there is something quite beautiful about these connections. something that makes me giggle when i'm with them, the way i giggled when i was in middle school. there is something so comforting in seeing their faces. i feel lucky. at one point, i wanted to leave behind everything from my past because i thought i had grown up, improved, saw many truths, been enlightened by culture in ways that nobody from home has. and i have. but i realized i can still love them, i can still embrace them, i can still revel in the connections i have with them, and be the 'changed' individual i have become. those connections don't change, no matter how much i have. that's beautiful. that's why i feel lucky. and then there is the beauty of making new friendships, which also rocks my heart happy. but there's just something about old friends. mmm, mmm good.

second realization: though i have recently ended a relationship of 5 1/2 years, and am quite engrossed in grieving the loss, i realized this weekend how f****** awesome it is to have loved someone. (i'm not sure if you swear on your blog, divine) i was in love. and i feared many years growing up that i would not be able to love another human being. i knew i could care deeply about someone, but i just had this issue with feeling like i wouldn't be able to open myself up enough to really love another individual. i was quite guarded, having been hurt quite deeply growing up. anyway. i did love. i still love. i loved/love L. so much, and i feel the need to celebrate how amazing this love is, regardless of it having ended in the shape it existed for so long. how brilliant existence is that we can come across a human being who dives into our souls head-first and swims within you to every corner, hidden or not, challenging you, embracing you. i love love. and i hurt. but i still love love. and i realized this, and it's important to do so when you have lost something so extraordinary. because if you don't, rather if i don't, i could very well become a bitter old maid. and that just can not happen.

i would love to go on about my realizations. however, my niece just informed me that her 9 year old sister (who i'm psuedo babysitting) just shaved her legs while taking a bath and cut herself. THIRD GRADE! SHAVING HER LEGS! do third graders really need smooth legs? what the FUCK!?!?!?! (divine, i had to swear about this. i'm completely baffled!)

stepping in for the divine.

so i was asked to briefly step in and blog for one of my most gorgeous pals, and though i'm not exactly sure what this blogging entails, i was delighted that she considered me for the task. oh, what a perfect chance to revenge against all those drunken promises she never kept. alas, i am too decent. i love her deeply, and there were actually never any drunk promises that she hasn't kept. well, except that one where she promised me a night of adultureous behavior. hmm...revenge?
nah.

so, what does this blogging mean to me this friday afternoon? today, i think i may comment on some dog behavior i have witnessed. i am currently living with my brother, and he has two lovely beasts: bailey, a black lab & ginny, a boxer. for the weekend, we are dogsitting. we have ginny's mother, gidget. today was my first day home alone with all of them. i realized after a mere five minutes that my entire day (if i allowed them to roam freely through the house) will consist of stopping bailey from mounting gidget. it's been a good five hours, and he ambitiously can not stop. i learned after an hour that seperate rooms was the only answer to maintain my sanity. at first i was a bit shocked at bailey's sex drive. he's been neutered, so i kind of thought that eases the need to get it on. i guess not. i think i may call him pimp daddy from now on. anyway, i just got to thinking about sex. (which i do sometimes...okay, often.) anyway, the thought i want to share after my observations today is this: i'm extremely thankful i am a human. i am so glad men don't walk around mounting women. though they may very well feel inclined to do so, society constructs have prevented men from openly dominating ladies in public. (at least dominating in the sense that they don't leap up on her shoulders and thrust away as she walks down broadway) however, if mason jennings felt the desire to do so, i would pretend i was a dog for the day.

is talking about dogs getting it on bad etiquette for blogging? i hope not.

-hopefully i'm not losing any faithful readers of your blog, divine. this really was not, in any way, a means of revenge, dear. ;)

how stupid am i?

it is my goal to not spend money i don't have.

i was going through my expenses yesterday and i asked myself,

"divinemissk, why the hell are you so broke?"

the answer lies in the fact that i shelled out big bucks for a biomechanics class that i'm finding i don't even like. no, change that- its not that i don't like the class- its that its not what i expected and ultimately, not what i was looking for. the teacher is excellent and i feel like i'm learning something creative and new that will ultimately better my understanding of how to move on stage and how we are affected by movement in our everyday life. but really, how stupid am i to have shelled out the said big bucks on the eve of one of my biggest shopping seasons ever? i have more people to give gifts to this year than ever. and its not that i am resentful of that at all. i love thinking about the perfect gift for someone and i'm so grateful for all the special people in my life, but money's tight this year. we're taking this trip, we now have a dog and a dogwalker, i needed new clothes for work (for fear of going in naked), and we decided to go organic, which can be costly (but definitely worth it).

so, why oh why, did i have to take this class now? out of all times of the year? i guess with all these things i've been busy with, i've lost my momentum, my drive, my direction if you will, and i thought taking a class would help. i had great expectations for this biomechanics class- i have a lot of experience in russian movement and thought that this would be along those lines (acrobat, gymnastic type stuff- ensemble building- partnering work. its truly amazing and i haven't found any consistent classes here in the city.). but this class is not what i thought and i blame it on myself for not looking into it even further. grrrr...

and so, because i am not satisfied, does that mean i actually do my homework and take advantage of what i'm learning, in spite of being disappointed? well, noooo, and that makes me even more mad at myself for spending all this money and then not getting the most out of it.

oh well- ya can't go back in time i guess. you can jut kick yourself in the ass later on.

procrastination

hmmm- i have biomechanics class in about 3 hours and have i practiced my assignment this week at all?

ummmmmm, no.

bad, bad girl.

can't wait till thursday! oh and this weekend i:

spent a lot of time around the house, cleaning and getting ready for our trip to the dominican republic on thursday. i was a cooking machine yesterday! i prepared two different soups: broccoli cheese potato soup and carrot ginger soup- we had some carrot ginger for dinner and i froze the rest for later on this winter. kpr and i have organic fruits and veggies delivered bi-weekly and we had a ton in the fridge that i knew would go bad while we were away- so i cooked like a fiend. i also started stockpiling a lot of food scraps for our composter. i haven't decided if i'm just going to stockpile during the winter, or go ahead and start up the bin and hope it lasts through the cold. i ziplocked all of the veggie scraps and put them in the freezer. i also lined a bucket with tin-foil and put it in the fridge, so that during the week we can just throw stuff in there and then on the weekend i can bag it up and freeze it. eventually, i'll get a bin with a lid and put it next to the composter and just throw all the frozen scraps in there. i also have to start collecting leaves, to hold onto all year round. our tree, which is big and beautiful, doesn't yield big, dry, brown leaves, so i'm thinking of taking a trashbag out to the sidewalk and liberating trash leaves from a future in a landfill.

kpr watched a lot of movies this weekend. i'm happy that he was able to just take time to do nothing. he's always so busy with work- at least 8 hours in the office and then another 2-3 hours at home. i was glad to see him just vegging out in front of the tv with champ. he also spent some time organizing things downstairs. we've been in this apartment for a year now and are still purging a lot of stuff we moved with us. the apartment we were in before was about one third the size of our house now and we had about twice the amount of stuff. i just don't know where we put it all! it feels good to get rid of stuff- recycling and donating where we can, of course.

on saturday i ushered for a production of "three sisters", part of the ChekhovNow festival at the connely theatre (which is now my favorite performing space in new york- what a dream!). the production was entirely in korean and was amazing and truly inspiring. i've seen many a play where i didn't speak the language, and this is very exciting for me because then i can concentrate on the real message of the piece- the subtext and what they are truly trying to communicate to the audience. it helps to be familiar with the story, of course, but either way, if the production is succesful, you don't necessarily need language. i love focusing on the action, and not the words- its very informative for me as an artist.
the festival goes on for the next week, so try and catch it if you can!

oh how i love the pot

the neti pot that is.

i've been having trouble with my allergies for the last two days. i was opening some mail here at work yesterday and all of the sudden my eyes were watering and i was sneezing up a storm. i went to rehearsal last night and there was a cat in the dance studio and that just set me off. i was miserable. sneezing, tearing eyes, sniffly nose and it was soooo cold in the studio that i just felt really sick. i got home, felt a little better, went to bed and had a horrible nights sleep. i woke up numerous times and had to use my inhaler twice- which i've never had to do.

i woke up this morning, poorly rested, and with big circles under my eyes (well, bigger than usual). i felt horrible and was still all sneezy and yuck. last year, i was treated by an accupuncturist for my annoying problems with asthma and allergies. this was an amazing experience and offered me so much relief. the only problem is that it was $90 each time i went- sometimes once a week and well, right now i just can't swing that. i think my insurance might cover it, i just have to find out for sure.

one of the things my accupuncturist introduced me to was a neti pot. my whole family has been plagued with serious sinus troubles, i've had more than my share of dreaded sinus infections- as have my parents and my brother and sister. a neti pot is designed to comfortably rinse out your sinuses, the water goes in one nostril and out the other. i know, i know, it sounds disgusting, but it really, really works. you add neti salt to warm water in the pot, tilt you head over the sink, put the spout up you nostril a little, and the design of the pot makes it easy for the water to go up your nose, through the sinuses, and back out the other side. then you just blow your nose really hard in the sink and be amazed at all the crap that comes out! the first few times, its uncomfortable, and you actually feel a little more sneezy and stuff directly afterwards, but if you keep blowing your nose- eventually you'll clear all that stuff out and you will totally notice a difference in your breathing and how you feel the rest of the day.

so that's what i did this morning- used the neti pot and voila! allergy symptoms gone. if i was a really good girl, i would use it everyday, and get rid of the constant red-eyes and flushed face- but i'm a little lazy. well, not lazy, but it takes me long enough to get going in the morning as it is and i don't think kpr would appreciate the extra 10 minutes waiting to use the toilet.

have a good weekend everyone!

the champion

i was walking champ the other day, dropping off dry cleaning,

sidebar:
i love the fact that i can just walk anywhere to do my errands; dry cleaning, grocery store, hardware store, the economy candy store (mmmmmm candy), bodega, drugstore, alternative food store, organic donuts (mmmmm donuts). it's a good thing i do all this walking, or i'd be a lot rounder than i am.

so, anyway-walking with champ-dry cleaning. i was kindof nervous bringing him in the store because a lot of the local businesses have gone dog-nazi on us and are no longer allowing pets where they once were allowed. and i understand why not- but the thing is, i'm not going to let my dog lick, pee on, shit on, or eat anything in the establishment and i always make it quick when he's with me, so why not give your customers that added convenience of shopping with their pups? health department- schmelth department. i just end up shopping less when he can't come with me.

but the ladies were nice at the drycleaning and said nothing, thankfully. i drop off my stuff and we walk back outside. as we're walking down the street, i spy a new shop that has magically sprouted where an antique store used to be. this happens all the time in my 'hood, one minute there's something and then you turn around and something else is there. this particular store was a 'trendy' t-shirt botique, where you could go in and get anything printed on a t-shirt, while you wait. ooohlala. i was looking at the display, and champ, as he tends to do, was looking at what i was looking at. there were two stuffed dogs sitting in the window with 'trendy' little dog-shirts on and champ was staring at them intently. i started to get a little excited about the dog shirts and was saying to him, "look champ, those nice dogs have 'trendy' shirts on! look champ- at the nice dogs! lookatthenicedogs! look!"

he got really excited about these dogs in the window. really excited. i think he was confused as to why they weren't moving or paying any attention to him. he gives me a desparate look and then proceeds to go nutso- jumping and barking and growling at these dogs- launching his muscular, little body at the shop window! attacking the glass like no glass has ever been attacked before!

it was freaking hilarious!

i'm not ashamed to admit that i encouraged him a bit, "get 'em champ! get em!" his eyes were wild, and his body poised to do battle with these evil, stuffed dogs. i finally pulled him away, and tried in vain to wipe the slobber off the window. i dragged champ down the street a bit, but he kept on looking back, trying to see if those nasty brutes were coming after him.

well, he showed them.

IMing with my brother today

DivineMM: :-)
oldmanat: stupid actually using IM for work... leads to all sorts of crazy messages.
DivineMM: yeah they use it here to- people always think i'm a stripper b/c of my im name
oldmanat: yeah, i set up a separate work IM name so people won't think I'm old. then i linked them.
Divine: ohhh- ididn't know you could do tha
Divine: t
oldmanat: it's not that tough. just create the new name from the log-in screen and then you can link them through the preferences.
Divine: yeah- but now everyone knows who i am anyway. i am tired of explaining the reference- doesn't anyone know anything about 70's music icons turned eco-crusaders?

oldmanat: apparently it's an area where americans sadly lack knowledge

Divine: there are a lot of areas where americans sadly lack knowledge. in fact most areas are areas where americans sadly lack knowledge

oldmanat: yeah! USA USA
Divine: woo hoo
oldmanat: did you read the article in the philadelphia daily news about how the blue states should just join canada?

DivineMM: haven't read that specific article, but read one today about how the blue states should just secede and compared people from the red states to mexicans, saying they would be the ones risking their lives crossing the border to find work if that ever happened

DivineMM: its pretty good, i'll have to find it and pass it along to you
oldmanat: i've certainly heard of worse ideas.

oldmanat: what would we really lose? disney world, vegas and the atlantic ocean beachs from virginia south? we could probably live with that.

DivineMM: yeah- totally- i wouldn't miss em- and you could always go to France for the beaches and Euro Disney- and Monaco for the casinos. France would like us and we all would be rich, so it would be easy

oldmanat: plus we'd still have california and hawaii beaches and disneyland.
DivineMM: why haven't we done this already?
oldmanat: it's a find question give it another 15-20 years to work out the details.
DivineMM: I wonder what we'll call it? The REAL United States of America?
oldmanat: Canerica. Amerada?
DivineMM: Canerica sounds like a gum disease
DivineMM: Amerada sounds like a bank
oldmanat: Camerida
DivineMM: ummm- keep working on it
DivineMM: maybe something completely fresh like, Land of Sweet Dreams and Green Trees
DivineMM: LSDGT for short
oldmanat: caamneardiaca
DivineMM: yeah that totally works
oldmanat: acmaenraidcaa
oldmanat: hmmm... i like caamneardiaca better
DivineMM: yeah thats perfect. you should write a letter
oldmanat: i'll get right on it. as soon as i'm done the next box5 list.
DivineMM: oh, so when hell freezes over then
oldmanat: perhaps

*************
my vote is for caamneardiaca.

ENOUGH ALREADY!!

First it was the heartburn that kept me awake two nights ago.

Then it was the dreaded breakouts, ohhhh the breakouts, I feel so ugly.

Today it was the bloating, the precious bloating, that did wonders for the self esteem as I stared into the mirror after my shower, already lamenting the breakouts.

The cold-sore? Well that certainly was an added delight!

Right now, its the cramps, the agonizing cramps, that make me feel like my uterus is slowly being passed through a rusty, little, keyhole, inch by bloody inch.

ATTENTION MOTHER NATURE AND MY BIOLOGICAL CLOCK!!!!

SHUT THE FUCK UP!! I HEAR YOU LOUD AND CLEAR MOTHERFUCKERS!

where did that little girl go?

Dear A-
This letter is to inform you that you do not suck as a sister. In fact, you are probably the best person a girl could ask for as a sister. Someone who calls just to chat and who sends me lovey-dovey emails and who basically gives a damn about what is happening in my life. Ah yes, little sis, you do a lot for me.

But this isn’t about me, I guess, it’s about you.

I’m so excited for you this year; your last in college. I know you are ready to beat the big bad world with a stick and I will be there with you to help you out if you need it. I’m excited for your future, you career, who you will meet and fall in love with, the kids you will have and how many of them you will feel compelled to name after me. The degrees you will hold and maybe someday you’ll be the first Dr. in the family, not the kind of doc who could diagnose a case of blood poisoning on a Carnival Cruise Ship, but the kind of doctor who can comfort a child when no one else can and who can write a 10,000 word study on why they thought I had trouble pronouncing my ‘r’ s when I was in the 2nd grade, when I clearly didn’t have any speech impediments and the system used me to justify their grant money. But I digress….

I admire your determination and courage in dealing with all the shitty stuff- myelin sheath-wise and whenever I feel like a whiny bitch because I can’t breathe, I always think of you and how you never complain about having to take your exams on the computer or about the muscle pains you must have, and then I feel like an ass.

I admire your dedication to your students and your enthusiasm for those who need people like you the most. You will be an asset to any school district that hires you and this may result in you working too hard, for too little money and feeling stressed out all the time, but better you be in there doing a kick ass job, than someone else who could give two craps about her students and just can’t wait to go home to her Lean Cuisine.

I’m really glad we went to China together. I had a kick ass time with you and felt like I got to know the real A, the adult A and not the little kid I used to yell at all the time. I know there were times where we were frustrated with each other and being together all the time, but really, I think we made it through really well. I think we had about a million more fun times than cranky-K times. For all the times I yelled at you, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, I’m just a bitch.

I wish the best for you little sister. Heck, I wish more for you than I do for me, really. Because it’s easier that way, but also because you deserve everything in your life to be grand. I have faith in your strength, your kindness to others and your cheery smile, all of which will help you navigate this crazy, crazy world we live in. Stay true to your friends, stay true to yourself and stay exactly who you are, my superfantastic, life loving little sister.

Love-
miss k

bwah-hahahahahaha-hah!

thanks to special k for introducing me to this site.

now i have no excuse to actually work when i can just be here all day long.

thanks.

no really. thanks!

my favorite so far:

Cartman: Alright. Look. I didn't want to have to say this, but I think maybe we're not seeing heaven because one of us doesn't believe in it enough.
Kyle: Huh?
Cartman: Heaven could be like the pixie fairies of Bubblegum Forest. You only see them if you really believe in them.
Stan: What?
Cartman: You know, maybe we're not seeing heaven because one of us is a J-O-O.
Kyle: What does me being a Jew have to do with anything?


a J-O-O? fucking hilarious!

this is not a post about pms

the weekend was a good one. yesterday kpr and i went to see our friend Ty in a production at The Classical Theatre of Harlem. "Ain't supposed to die a natural death" is a remarkable show and this production is not to be missed. it was extended till nov. 21st, so get on up to harlem if you are in nyc.

saturday we worked outside getting the yard ready for winter. we had a lot of stuff just laying around that we ended up trashing and i finally set up the composter i got kpr for his birthday in may. kpr moved our big picnic table to the empty lot next door and now there is tons of room for champ to run around in. i raked and picked up all the fucking trash our lovely upstairs neighbors launch off their balconies into our yard. it really pisses me off! don't they realize that this is our home, and littering in the backyard is just the same as dumping their trash in our living room? the cigarette butts are the worst and that just makes me fume (no pun intended). i'm not the biggest fan of smoking to begin with, ok, i have friends who smoke and i can put up with that (i certainly wish they didn't smoke, for their sakes), but it really busts my chops when smokers think it is just ok to fucking break.the.law by throwing their butts on the ground! hello, the earth is not your personal ashtray! my friend kat always throws hers in a trashcan and i respect that. i wish she would just quit altogether, but i respect that she realizes that the outside is not hers alone and that she should clean up after herself. but when you are hanging off your balcony and decide its ok to leave your little droppings in my backyard- that is soooo not cool.

we've complained to the mgmt company (we're owners, everyone else are renters) and they have posted a letter in the entryway of the building, but no one pays attention. so, i'm really tempted to leave a little letter of my own under the doorway of each apt that faces the back- along with a nice pile of disgusting cigarette butts that they can dump in their living rooms. but i'm not sure if i want to go that route yet...

i just don't want to keep picking up other people's trash!

the backyard looks fabulous now and i love just standing and looking through the windows. the leaves have turned this fabulous yellow which makes the light coming into our living room just awesome. champ prowls around back there like he is king of the world- checking things out- hunting for squirrels. i had left a bunch of peanuts on the window sills, hoping the squirrels would hang out in front of the windows, but the nuts are gone and i haven't seen a squirrel back there in a while.

hmmmm... thats it for now. if i keep on rambling i might go off about how much i hate pms and that, i think, should be saved for another post.

labor day weekend, 2002

my parents were going to be in philadelphia, visiting my father's parents for the weekend. i told them i would take the train down to meet them. i wanted to bring flowers to my grandmother, but wasn't thrilled with the selection at penn station, i knew i should have bought them at any corner deli where you can buy pretty much any flower you want in the dead of winter. anywho, i decided against the flowers and made my mad-dash towards the right track. my dad met me at the station in philadelphia- so amazingly beautiful a structure, especially compared to yucky penn station. as we're walking out the door to my mom who is waiting in the car, we pass a flower stand with a beautiful display and i tell him to wait because i want to buy a bouquet for mom mom. being my dad, he of course, insists on paying for them and i say, "sure you can pay for them, but we are telling her they are from me." (i'm such a brat)

we get to my grandparents and spend the next few hours shooting the shit, walking around my pop pop's garden and drinking and eating ruffles ridges potato chips out of a napkin-lined, wicker basket. my mom mom loves the flowers and i can tell that she is touched because, even though she has a lot of visitors, not everyone brings something with them.

whenever we leave my grandparent's house, they always stand in the doorway and watch through the storm door as we walk down the driveway to the car. this is a picture that is burned into my mind as it happened so often. they would wave and smile at us, staying in the doorway until we drove off. this time was no different, as we walked down the driveway, my mom mom opened the storm door and yelled "thank you for my flowers!" i can still hear her voice ringing in my ears.

this is the last thing she ever said to me. in november of that year, she fell into a coma after a bout with pneumonia and we were all there with her as she passed away. this is a time, i can't even write about, because i cannot possibly describe how it felt to watch someone you had loved your whole life, enter an entirely new world without taking you along with her.

i'm so grateful for that trip, little did i know it would be my last time seeing her and i'm so grateful for those flowers. it just taught me that, sometimes, even the smallest gestures are something you will remember for the rest of your life.

love/hate penn station

if you have ever been to penn station in nyc, you have probably looked about and thought, "whose idea was this stinkhole?"
penn station is one of the most depressing feeling places in this great city,

we interrupt this post for a mini hershey chocolate bar. mmmmmmmm soooo deeeelisshhhousssss!

highlighted by the ultra-low ceilings in the hallway, the stale, stanky-ass smell, the lack of any kind of natural light (we all look so fabulous under those fluorescent tubes) and the disorganized chaos that occurs twice daily as people run around like chickens with their heads cut off, trying to catch their trains.

to reach the Amtrak part of the station, you have to walk up a steep set of stairs, past a baskin robbins (mmmmmm sorbet...). the atmosphere in this hallway is noticeably different because they have piped in classical music over the loud speakers. this immediately puts me at a sense of ease, which is greatly deceptive because of all the crap you have to go through to buy your ticket and get on the train.

i went to penn station this week as a favor to my boss, he needed a refund on a ticket he never used and i told him i would go if i could get a paid lunch hour (like i ever actually clock-out at lunch anyway, but hey i was feeling nice). so i walk down the hallway of bach and enter the main area of the station, people are milling around, waiting and anxiously staring at the large screen whose numbers flash and tell you which track you train is leaving from. here is the funny part, they don't tell you which track until like 2 minutes before departure time, so everyone is on edge, ready to bolt to the correct escalator when the announcement is made. this mad dash usually involves people being flung to the ground, fingers crushed, rolling suitcases being stumbled over, pushing, shoving and a general crush around the narrow entryway to the tracks below. hey- it’s all fun and games until someone loses and eye.

multiply this by 20 thousand during the holidays.

so anyway, i'm waiting in line on Monday, November 1st, to get credit for this ticket, i'm trying to enjoy the Beethoven and laughing at the mad-dashers to the tracks. its almost 2pm and the line is loooo-ong. because there is only.one.person.working.behind.the.counter. ONE person, ONE!! its a good thing i don't have a train to catch or i might look like the person behind me, or the person in front of me, or the person behind the person behind me. everyone is pissed and in general agreement that Amtrak sucks monkeyballs. i get up to the counter and ask for my refund, the woman smiles (god bless 'er) and says "are you aware of our new policies regarding refunds?" and i'm like "huh?" and she says that they now charge 10% to credit back any unused tickets, this policy went into effect- November 1st! of course it did! whatever, i don't care, it’s not my money. i smile sweetly at her and tell her to go ahead and take out the $10.60 and use it to get her nails done for all i care- just get me outta here fast!

she finishes the transaction, and is very polite, despite the obvious stress in her job- she is, after all, the only person people can yell at because of sucky Amtrak. i flash her the peace sign as i scamper away, running down the hallway to get back to civilization. as i pass the flower stand with it surprisingly limited display of flowers, i am immediately reminded of labor day weekend, 2002.

Finally!

oh jeez oh man i have been trying to get into blogger all morning and nothing. i know this is nothing new to anyone, but ever since i installed haloscan, blogger has been acting up. coincidence? i have no idea.

anyway. this is not a political blog, but during the last few days i have been going off politically so to speak, but these were special circumstances, right? i have very strong political feelings, but i know that i can't express them in the exact way that i want, and so i let other people do that for me. now, back to your regularly scheduled ramblings.

in reading over my last blog entry, i realize that it is not completely true. the first blog i ever read was allaboutjendotcom, and jen and i have completely different ideas (especially politically!), but i think that she is a fantastic writer and enjoy seeing things from her point of view (even if it sometimes drives me crazy, i still respect her for having strong opinions). today is jen's birthday! she has no idea who i am, but happy birthday anyway jen!

keeping the noggin wide open.... um.... yeah

so as soon as i install haloscan, blogger gets all funky on me. is this normal? plenty of people use haloscan, but then again plenty of people have problems with blogger.

as i surf through blogexplosion, i find myself looking for specific things in other bloggers. namely, people who are a lot like me and who share my ideals. this is a bit disconcerting, as i should have an open mind and all- but i don't think i can waste my time reading about someone's relationship with god or someone else's obsession with building relationships and networking within your career. i understand that these blogs serve a purpose- but i don't want to read about them. i guess what i'm trying to say is, that all the new sites i've been to and enjoyed enough to bookmark, are by people who feel the same way as i do about a lot of things. this is not a bad thing, because i believe i can learn something from anyone- but frankly it surprises me because i always thought of myself as someone with the willingness to be open to others ideas.
but then again, as someone who spends her time in a career that is based on first impressions- like the second i enter the room i am judged- if you can't impress me in 30 seconds- then i'm moving on.

ok i'm still in a funk and probably will be for a while. but i've started this whole blog explosion thing and realize that its not great to have such a depressing post as the first thing people will read about you. so i will say this:

it is so cold in my office today that i know everyone i see must be wondering if the turkey is done. and let me tell you folks, this turkey is well done! rowrrr!

So here we are

i woke up with this icky feeling and its not from the two glasses of wine i had last night. the nypost this morning claimed another bush 'victory' which is completely false, bad reporting, but not a surprise coming from the post. i never want to turn on the tv again. or read another newpaper or online news source. maybe we can all just live in denial for the next four years (ack! its killing me to write that- the next four years). denial certainly works for this administration. they must sprinkle it in their coffee each morning, because its what they run on all day long.

i think we're doomed.

and it doesn't surprise me that this is all coming down to ohio. i have lived in both franklin and cuyahoga (still can't spell it) counties and i think it just figures. i think there was a lot of skeevy stuff going on there that we are going to find out about- i just hope its not too late. did i mention that i registered to vote three times in ohio and never received a voter card? three times!

what an embarrassment to w- he can't win his second term in a landslide because half the country detests him. now that is the marking of a great president. ha!

i want to crawl under my desk now.

ugh.

Today

i'm number 102 and they are on number 88. i'm sitting in the auditorium of the middle school around the corner. the room is abuzz and i'm feeling very excited- i even tear up a little while waiting in line to sign my name.

now they're on 90.

there are so many people here and that is very gratifying to see. its organized, but disorganized- people pushing past each other to enter the booths. we have these old-fashioned pull lever machines that are heavy and make a furious noise when your ballot is cast- S---l--i--d--e-----SLAM!-----democracy is done.

95

i always get a little nervous when entering the booth- like, "what if i fuck this up?" i go really slow and double check my work (something i never did in school).
the pollworkers (i almost just wrote poleworkers! ha! that's an entirely different profession!) are a bit frazzled, but still in good spirits, taking coffee orders for each other and wishing everyone a good day. this may be new york city, but this is our neighborhood and we're all in this together.

98

my district is very diverse- we are a cross section of america- a true melting pot. chinese, jews, young hipsters, older artists, blacks, puerto ricans, dominicans, families with young kids and seniors. i feel proud to live here and that we all co-exist peacefully.

101

last night i was talking to a classmate- an older actor who has been in new york for 22 years, and i said that this whole year has been about america holding up a mirror to her face and frowning at her reflection. i don't want to hate the way i look anymore, so this is my chance to blend away the blemishes to smile at that face looking back at me.

my turn.

The Kickass Arts in Education Conference

from Friday 10/29

All Guessed Out

The journal I am writing in is a promo item from Guess- it features a bunch of black and white photos from past ad campaigns, including one of Anna Nic*le Sm*th in her pre "I-gained-all-this-weight-and-am-completely-insane-on-my-own-tv-show,-but-then-I-lost-all-the-weight-thanks-to-these-magic-beans" days.
My bag is canvas with Guess emblazoned across one side. If anyone bothered to notice, they would think I'm a Guess wh*re- but aside from this free junk- I wouldn't touch the stuff.

I'm volunteering today for the New York City Arts in Education Roundtable- an all day event at Riverside Church, up near Columbia University.
I love this area of town- so collegiate, with beautiful manicured lawns and gardens-old stone buildings and such an academic feel. Coming up here makes me want to go back to school and really learn something this time.

Riverside Church is unbelievable beautiful- an immense building highlighted by an amazing, gothic-style tower- 20 floors up. Stained glass windows abound, intricately detailed doorways, molding, grates, ceilings, pedestals and lighting fixtures fill the place and make you feel like you are stepping back in time. They don't build like this anymore.

I am sitting in an assembly hall filled with teachers, artists & administrators. The room is abuzz and people flit up and down the aisles with much excitement. I am feeling a bit intimidated as all these people are professionals in the field and I am just a mere volunteer trying to perhaps get a leg up. But everyone has to start somewhere- right?
Snippets of conversation fly past me as I try and familiarize myself with the crappy HP Digital Camera they just gave me to take pictures of the speakers and the audience.

The camera sucks royal ass and every single on of the shots I take during the opening presentation are blurry and poorly lit. I remind myself to never buy a camera made by a computer company and not a camera company (go Canon!).

The rest of the day is fabulous and I've learned a lot- especially how to get my foot in the door. I've set up shadowing opportunities and have tried my best to make new connections. I think this is a great direction for me to go towards.

Some of the words and phrases I overheard today:
-multi-faceted -Consortium -Relationship with schools -modeling & reflection -stake holders -professional development (pd) effective communication -time management -practicum -breakout
-shoot for -teacher involved in classroom -pedagogy - parents -processing & assessment -scheduling -professional -human development -impact their lives -unit residency -encouraged -advocates -classroom environment - speak in terms of - management techniques -process & product -rich topics -collaborative process -differentiation -residencey -need to know, need to have -codify -language

hmmmm

looks a little ghetto...

i'll have to keep working on it.
***
tomorrow i will be volunteering at an Arts in Education Conference for New York City. i have been contemplating getting into this field for a while and this is my first step in that direction. i'm excited to learn a little more about what is out there and how to actually become an 'actor-teacher.' i love kids and i love theatre, so i think its a pretty good match. hopefully i'll make some new contacts and maybe find an internship or something.

anything to get me out of this temping rut i've been in forever. gah!

did i do that?

oh my god you guys, look! see there, on the right side of this page? lookee at the pretty links that i added all by myself! holy crap, i figured something out!

i am a genius!

A QUIZ with some html code!

I'm an irredeemably eejitous, liberal, not-too-generous, not-too-selfish, relatively well adjusted human being!
What are you?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

I promise not to have hundreds of these thingees, but I desperately wanted something to clicky clicky on my site.

yes, and

the "how can i not be myself" thing is totally a rip off of "i heart huckabees" question of "how am i not myself", only in my mind it got a little mixed up.

and

"divinemissk" is most definitely in homage to the world's greatest entertainer, THE DIVINE MISS M.

i.

love.

her.

oh, and

i really frigging love theatre, the stage and acting. really. friggin. love. it.

just in case you didn't get that from the whole career-minded talk below. i've done so much free work and you just don't do that unless you love it. i'm not going to get into my motivation or my passion or justify any of that right now. just know that i really feel 100% when collaborating with other people and being immersed in my art.

i.

love.

it.

maybe a little about me

i have no idea how to do any of this blog stuff, like a bio, or links or html code or anything. i suppose i will learn in time, but i'm feeling rather lazy right now, so i'm not gonna do it.

here's a little about me myself and i:

i have lived in new york city for the past 4 years and LOVE it here. however i don't see myself permanently living here forever. a dream life would include a 'country' house upstate (off the grid, and totally rad) and an apt in the city, and a hybrid car that gets 100 mpg to go back and forth.

i live with my bf herein known as "kpr" and we've been together almost as long as i have been in nyc.

we rescued champ, a 22 month old Boston Terrier, last march and we are totally ruled by him. see his picture at www.uncontrolledthought.com

i'm an actor by training (yes actor, you don't hear them calling them doctresses, now do ya). i have a ba in theatre which means i've done it all, stage managing, set building, costume designing, etc... oh and that whole acting thing too.
i have many dreams but the biggest one career-wise is to someday be able to pay my rent (or mortgage or whatever) doing what i was trained to do. imagine that.

supporting yourself doing something you love is the ultimate gift.

i know this will happen.

ok- enough for now.

later!

Oh the glory of a hangover

Saturday night's birthday party was fun. I made it out- awake and with extra eye makeup (for a 'sophisticated evening look'). In preparing for the night at the bar I realized that I have absolutely nothing to wear. I have a nicely organized closet full of clothes, but nothing to wear out to a preppie bar. I started out with just jeans and a purple sweater, but then realized what a moron I looked like and K went and ruined it by saying the dreaded "That's what you're wearing?!" He says this to get my goat and it does indeed get my goat even though I know he's only saying it to get my goat. My self confidence spirals as I go through the racks, pulling out clothes, putting them on and trying not to cry and say "I don't wanna go out." When we usually go to a bar, it's in the 'hood, and I just wear jeans and whatever shows my boobs without being too trashy. But the bar we were going to was a little more upscale that our usual rocker, slouchy, 70's basement bar we frequent on the Lower East Side. I try on my black satin pants and a see-thru black shirt with cami underneath, nope too dark and dowdy (see thru and all, I know!). I've recently transitioned to the winter wardrobe and all my cute little skirts and semi-sexy sleeveless shirts have been retired for the year in a large tupperware bin and all I was left with was sweaters and slacks that scream "WORK CLOTHES!" and thermal shirts and slouchy jeans. Seven outfits and several suppressed screams go by and I am at a loss. I finally decide on a lacey black dress with a flesh-colored attached slip (makes it look like you gots nothing on underneath) that I bought my sophomore year of college and doing a little math in my head I realize that this is 6 years ago. SIX YEARS AGO!!! AGGHH it was '98 then and I had a whole different group of friends! And still I pull on this dress and put on a skinny pair of black pants on underneath (ruining the naked slip thing effect). I'm not completely satisfied with the ensemble, but it will have to do because I am slowly being killed by the impatience being shot at me by K's eyes.
So we take a cab to The Star Bar and we walk in and I realize that all the guys in here are wearing vertically striped button down shirts, untucked. Hair clipped short with a little bit of gel spikey spikey. Cologne (ugghh, yuck) and very preppie indeed. I groan, audibly, but the music is too loud for anyone else to hear. We spot C, the birthday girl and it was great to see her and meet her family. Points to her folks for braving this place. We run into some of K's former colleagues and he catches up on gossip etc... I drink many, many vodka gimlets. The gimlet is my favorite drink, but I am often disappointed because it is rarely made well. The best gimlet is served at Simone on 1st Ave and St Marks. I drink gimlets because they offer quite a kick for one cocktail, meaning I only have to drink one, and I'm on my way to tipsyville. Well I drank three and don't remember much afterwards. I do remember clutching the porcelain later at home and yelling mean things at K, but that's about it.

I woke up the next morning in agony and with much remorse for the yelling of mean things at K. My eyelids are glued shut, my head pounding and my stomach is making its own transatlantic journey- all I want to do is spend the day in bed and be miserable. However, our friends M&M are coming to pick us up at 10am so we can go APPLE PICKING!! Normally, I would find this to be a great deal of fun and excitement, but really, when you are hung over, the last thing you want to do is to go APPLE PICKING!! I make it thru the shower and manage to look presentable. We load into the car (Champ too!) and begin the two hour journey to the farm upstate. Agony, pure Agony my friends. I don't know how I made it through the car ride without hurling all over the backseat of M&M's nice new Jetta stationwagon. Champ kept on climbing on me to look out the window and I kept on pushing him back into the middle of the seat and concentrated on not puking in my mouth and swallowing it again. We made it to the farm and that fresh country air hit me like a brick. I managed to scramble behind some bushes before I christened them with my cereal, bananas and yummy stomach acid. Bananas don't taste half bad the second time around, they are all warm and mushy. After my successful regurgitation I felt SO MUCH BETTER and was ready for apple picking goodness. We had a blast and although I , myself, did very little picking I took loads of pictures of Champ staring at the pig, and goats and chickens. Champ eating mushy apples on the ground. Champ marking each and every apple tree. Champ being surrounded by oodles of admiring kiddos. I also snagged a few pics of K and M&M as well and the beautiful foliage.

We returned home triumphant and still a bit hung-over (K too, this time), bearing about 20 apples- and lets see if we eat them all. We also have two pumpkins, peanut brittle and apple pancake mix. Yum!

True to form

My whole life I have tried and tried to keep a consistent journal. Sometimes I feel important events in my life simply slip away because I can't bother to write it down and I can't remember to take the Ginko to improve my memory.

So, I'm glad to say that I have been consistent in not being consistent. I think of things all day long and about how, "I should blog about this later," And thats my whole problem, that little word, "later." I'm a procrastinator by nature, something I've put off coming to terms with. I tell myself and others that I thrive under pressure and that I always get things done in time, just at the last minute.

So I am sitting here, on demading the last season sex and the city and feel very, very happy. There is wine in the fridge that is calling my name, but I am putting off getting off my ass to go and get it. I'm looking forward to going out to K's friend's birthday tonight at the "Star Bar." We were told to arrive a little after 11pm, because they will be watching the Yankees game before hand and we don't care so much for the Yankees. So anyway- I'm hoping to be awake after 11pm tonight! I've come to realize that I do love my sleep, and I always have. In college I could stay up to all hours, but I could also just roll out of bed and yawn my way across the street to the theatre for class. I still can't believe I would go to class with bedhead and in my flannel pajama pants. But everyone else was doing it so I happily hit the snooze button till five minutes before my first class. Now that I am an "adult" and live a "responsible" life, I have, have, HAVE to get 8 hours sleep or I am a cranky bitchass the whole next day. Now, I never get 8 hours of sleep a night, so I am always a cranky bitchass. So this means on the weekend, I try to spend as much time as possible sleeping, forsaking any kind of social life because I fall asleep or at least am drowsy by about 10pm. Unless, of course, I nap during the day, but today was spent organizing the downstairs, going to hell that is Crate and Barrel, and playing with Champ at the dogpark. So now I am trying to nap, while K works downstairs, but I was seduced by the on demand. So here's for hoping I'm still awake at 11pm and able to drink without passing out of K's arm.

Motherfucker! The fucking on demand is only working for like every other episode! Goddammit this makes me so frigging mad. Don't they understand I need to watch my sex and the city in order! I just missed Charlotte's wedding to Harry! Dammit dammit dammit.

I just realized that in my previous post, I made the commitment to all lower caps, but now I am writing somewhat grammatically correct as far as ummm capitalization. So what? Right? I'm not a writer, I don't have a style, so i can do whatever the fuck I want.

Ok, thats it for now, if I keep rambling on and on, I'll use up all my ideas and I'll never blog again.

a little early for thanksgiving

after work yesterday, i took champ out to the backyard for his usual pee n' poop. i turned my back for a second and the next thing i know, feathers are flying.

literally.

there is a live turkey in my back yard.

A LIVE TURKEY IN MY BACKYARD!!??

did i mention i live on the lower east side of manhattan?! in NEW YORK CITY?!?!

panic broke out. champ chased him into the small fishpond. he was relentless in his pursual. i was afraid he was gonna catch the sucker and break its neck and then what would i do?

they say you should train your dog well and in an emergency, it will save their life if they drop everything and come when you call their name.
Well my friends, champ is a goner.
no amount of "NO, CHAMP, COME!" could convince him to give up his excited investigation of the intruder of his back yard. i thought he was going to fall into the pond himself. he didn't thanktheelord and i picked him up and put him inside the house.

i turned back to THE LIVE TURKEY IN MY BACKYARD!!?? and noticed that turkeys do not know how to swim. the poor little fella was a squawkin' and a flappin', but couldn't get himself out of the water. he was also shivering like crazy because i imagine the water was very cold. i pulled him out with the net we have for such emergencies as this.

i, being very level headed in a crisis, did what i do best and called my best friend m and yelled into the phone, "THERE IS A LIVE TURKEY IN MY BACKYARD!!??" she calmly told me to call 311 and ask for animal control and talk to them. which i did and i then decided that this is the sign i needed to know that i had to start my own blog.